As a writer, as a reader
I see rules our language has
Don't abuse it or misuse it
Or you'll come off like a spaz

Irregardless, irregardless
Such a word does not exist
If you say it while in MENSA
You may find them looking pissed

There are others, way too common
They can't spell or they can't speak
"I'm just British," or "It's Yiddish"
Those excuses are so weak

February, February
Of the "R"s, I see a pair
And though neither one is silent
People speak like one's not there

It's not only average folks, dear
Who may need some special ed.
There are people we elected
Who show signs that they're brain dead

Nu-cle-ar, George, nu-cle-ar, George
So much power in that force
Don't use it if you can't say it
Stay in Texas, ride a horse

My perscription, at the drug store
Wasn't filled with the right pill
Though I need it, couldn't read it
And I'm mispronouncing still

Get some couth, dear, get some couth, dear
Oops, that word's not in the book
Got to have that "un" before it
It's in Webster, take a look

Ax a question, ax a question
It's the way you say it "black"
I'm so glad there's now Ebonics
It explains words that are "whack"

There's a tiny little "a" there
In the word "miniature"
I'm nit-picking? Yes, it's stickling
But it's right, of that I'm sure

Take for granite, take for granite
I believe this means a rock
Which your head may be composed of
If you are a big dumb jock

If you want your pupils tiny
They're not going to "dialate"
It should sound like you'll expire
At a very future date

Drink espresso, not expresso
Say it right, expecially
You are judged by your poor grammar
By the social hi-archy