These are the times that try men's souls.
Throughout the course of our nation's history
the people of New Jersey have rallied bravely
whenever the convenience of men has been threatened.
Today, a new crisis has arisen.
New Jersey Transit Passenger Rail Service,
better known as the NJT,
is...
oh, hell, it's not a new crisis.
It's the same damn thing all over again.
Citizens, hear me out:
This could happen to you!

Well, let me tell you all the story
of a man named Frankie
on a day of such anarchy.
He put ten bucks in his pocket
kissed his wife and family
went to ride on the NJT!

And did he ever get back?
No, he never got back.
He's still stuck there on the track.
(What a pity!)
He may sit forever on the rails of Jersey.
He's the man who never got back.

Frankie parked his Buick at the Metropark station
to commute up to Newark Penn.
When the train came in it was late thirty-five minutes.
Frankie was late for work again!

And did he ever get back?
No, he never got back.
He's still stuck there on the track.
(Poor old Frankie!)
He may sit forever on the rails of Jersey.
He's the man who never got back.

Now, all day long Charlie sits in his office
crying, "What will become of me?"
When he got up to Track 4
that's the usual platform
he saw his train come in on Track 3!

And did he ever get back?
No, he never got back.
He's still stuck there on the track.
(Shame and scandal!)
He may sit forever on the rails of Jersey.
He's the man who never got back.

Frankie's wife gets called from her mad husband's cell-phone
and he sounds as if he's so blue:
"Honey, the air-conditioning ain't workin' on this train
and the temperature's a hundred and two!"

And did he ever get back?
No, he never got back.
He's still stuck there on the track.
(He may sit forever!)
He may sit forever on the rails of Jersey.
He's the man who never got back.

(banjo break)

Now, ye citizens of Jersey
don't ya t'ink it's a scandal
how da people have such misery?
Frankie's train is stalled on the tracks at Rahway
and he can't get off the NJT!

And did he ever get back?
No, he never got back.
He's still stuck there on the track.
(Just like pigeons!)
He may sit forever on the rails of Jersey.
He's the man who never got back!
He's the man who never got back!
He's the man who never got back!

Oy vey, Frankie.