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Song Parodies -> "Eighteen Holes"

Original Song Title:

"Sixteen Tons"

Original Performer:

Tennessee Ernie Ford

Parody Song Title:

"Eighteen Holes"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

"The reason the game is called g--- is because all the other four-letter words have been taken." -- Leslie Nielsen. For everyone who thinks g--- is a sport, and who think green jackets are fashionable -- well, maybe on Andre 3000 they are, but that's about it.
Some... people saw my ball go into the mud.
"You poor man," they say, "bad golf's in your blood."
It's in my blood, in creaky bones.
My mind is weak, but I play right on.

I play eighteen holes, and what do I get?
Another day older and lots of regret.
Ben Hogan, don't you call me, 'cause I'm a flop.
I owe my soul to the clubhouse pro shop.

I... was born on a morning when the weather's no good.
I dreamed I could play this game like Tiger Woods.
I played eighteen holes, with grumbling toil.
Arnold Palmer said, "You should sell motor oil!"

I play eighteen holes, and what do I get?
Another day older and lots of regret.
Walt Hagen, don't you call me, 'cause I'm a flop.
I owe my soul to the clubhouse pro shop.

I... went out one morning in the St. Andrews rain.
Slicin' and hookin' are my middle name.
Told my wife I'd be home but she knew I was lyin'.
If it's softball I'm playin' then I wouldn't be cryin'.

I play eighteen holes, and what do I get?
Another day older and lots of regret.
Jones, Bobby, don't you call me, 'cause I'm a flop.
I owe my soul to the clubhouse pro shop.

If... you see me comin', better step aside.
To make my pants, a lotta plaid animals died.
One club of iron, the other of wood.
You say, "Go bowling," my score, one-oh-five would be good!

I play eighteen holes, and what do I get?
Another day older and lots of regret.
Gene Sarazen, don'tcall me 'cause I'm a flop...

I owwwwe myyyyy sou-ou-ou-ou-oul...
to the clubhouse pro shop!


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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 1
 1
 
 3   0
 1
 0
 
 4   2
 0
 1
 
 5   12
 12
 12
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

AFW - April 12, 2005 - Report this comment
This is way above par...3 five irons
Royce Miller - April 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Superb
Kristof Robertson - April 12, 2005 - Report this comment
"To make my pants, a lotta plaid animals died."....LOL! Sympathies from another golf hack, Mike. 555
Johnny D - April 12, 2005 - Report this comment
You've got to be .... the parody .... na na na na na na naaaaa ..... buh buh buh buh buh baaahhhhh ....
Michael Pacholek - April 12, 2005 - Report this comment
While I thank you for your vote, Kristof, you've got it all wrong: I am insulting golfers, not pretending to be one. It is a ridiculous game, and every time they talk about it on "Around the Horn" or "Pardon the Interruption," I find myself screaming at the screen, "You morons! Golf is not a sport! Talk about a real sport!" For crying out loud, if golf is a sport, then so is Monopoly. It's more athletic. At least, it is when I play. And Johnny: That's the second time you've left that comment, and I have no idea what it means. As commenting goes, that's more perplexing than most.
Guy - April 12, 2005 - Report this comment
If this parody were a golf course with every hole being a par 5 you would shoot a 90.
John Jenkins - April 12, 2005 - Report this comment
As usual, I disagree with your assessment of your topic - golf is very much a sport. You are correct that green jackets are not fashionable, but the lack of fashion is superseded by the immense prestige. And, as usual, you wrote a clever parody. I liked the Arnold Palmer line.
Adagio - April 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Funny one, Michael.
alvin rhodes - April 12, 2005 - Report this comment
5s for "18"
Tiger Woods - April 12, 2005 - Report this comment
You, sir, are quite right. Monopoly is by far the more athletic endeavor, and I would be playing it right now if they payed me 125 million a year like golf does. But I still warm up before each round with Monopoly, which is the most cardiovascular of games, and I am also the best in the world at it, too. It's too bad I have to play this lowly NON- sport of Kings instead of Monopoly for a living.....I might have been able to find a good-looking wife. Oh well...
Rick Cormier - April 12, 2005 - Report this comment
I happen to be president of P.A.R. (Plaid Animals Rejoice) and, I find any parody that demeans these hapless creatures offensive. Despite this, I'm laughing and awarding 555.
Minnesota Fats - April 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Golfers should give it up and play a real sport like billiards.
Michael Pacholek - April 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Does the math in his head... come on, useless sports facts and old "Star Trek" scripts, get out of the way... 18 x 5 = ... OK. Thanks, Guy! For those of you who wonder why I mentioned Tiger and Arnie, but not Jack Nicklaus, the greatest golfer of them all... sorry, I just couldn't find a way to work him in, even though both of us (me actually, him sort of, through his Golden Bear clothing line) once worked for JCPenney. And, of course, in place of St. Peter, I placed legendary dead golfers Walter Hagen, Bobby Jones, Gene Sarazen and Ben Hogan.
Claude Prez - April 12, 2005 - Report this comment
This is one of those great ideas for a parody where I read the title and go "Dang! Wish I'd thought of that!" Then I read it and go "Whoa; glad the right person got to it first." Awesome job. And while I don't quite agree with your assessment of golf, it hasn't really gotten my attention either.
Rocky Mak - December 06, 2008 - Report this comment
Well, I knew someone can explain this better than I can. 5's all round... or should it be one's? Low scores are good in golf.

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