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Song Parodies -> "Getting Duffed Up By A Wraith"

Original Song Title:

"There Is Nothin' Like A Dame"

Original Performer:

South Pacific Soundtrack

Parody Song Title:

"Getting Duffed Up By A Wraith"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

My entry into Matthias's "Lord Of The Dance": A Lord Of The Rings Musical. The scene: the hobbits are corned on Weathertop by the Black Riders and Frodo is spiked....
[FRODO]
In The Shire we had beer
In The Shire we had grass
Now on Weathertop I'm sittin'
Scratchin' my small, hairy ass
We got Samewise cookin' sausage
On a campfire, ablaze
Oh, f*** a duck!
Just saw four wraiths!

They have cloaks of blackest black
And their hearts are full of sin
With their bodies all skeletal
They look like that Olsen twin
Little Pippin's in a panic
And Merry's messed his pants
What ain't we got?
A freakin' chance!

Strider says to me "You ought to have some faith, kid
We're not gonna let the ring-bearer get wraith-ted"

[HOBBITS]
Getting duffed up by a wraith
Screaming like a girl
Thpray him in the fathe with mathe
And you may jutht ethcape that wraith!

[FRODO]
I got pok-ed, I got stabbed
Skewered like a shish kebab
If I don't get medication
I'll be toe-tagged on a slab
Strider set one creep on fire, like
Jacko in that Pepsi ad
He asks how I feel
Well, duh.feel bad!

Hobbit mates are loyal and dutiful, but brother
They have no particular skill, and are no use whatsoever
When wraiths appear, watch them run 'round screaming "MOTHER!"

Getting duffed up by a wraith
With his sword unfurled
Gandalf's really rather late
And my crew are all 3 foot 8!

[HOBBITS]
Men In Black, but not Will Smaith (Smaith??)
Feel sick, wanna hurl
[FRODO]
I need weed, maybe an eighth
That will drain the pain caused by wraiths

[SAM]
What a wonder-fully woeful wanker: wraith, wathte of spathe!

[FRODO]
Suddenly an elf arrives
A fair maiden with the works
Clutches me to her firm bosom
(I guess dying has its perks!)
So to Rivendell we'll scurry
And although I'm filled with fear
I'm thankful that she's sans-brassiere!

[RINGWRAITHS]
Damn! The Halfling got away
We'll kick his butt a-nother day!

{Ringwraiths form a high-kicking chorus line, including the one on fire}

We've got no souls; we are wraiths
Undead as$holes; we are wraiths
The ring we crave; we are wraiths
We misbehave; we are wraiths
Sauron's gimps; we are wraiths
Hobbit shrimps will be wraiths
We've got a thing for death and doing great harm
Just like Dementors, without the charm

We're wrathful, wrongdoing, wretched, wrampaging WRAITHS!!

{JAZZ HANDS}

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 5   9
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User Comments

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AFW - November 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Not much into LOTR's things...but this reads rip-roaringly funny..top shelf 5's
carol - November 03, 2005 - Report this comment
three 5's for another good one Kris
alvin rhodes - November 03, 2005 - Report this comment
excellent...jam packed with good lines...5s
Arwen - November 03, 2005 - Report this comment
LOL! "I'm thankful that she's sans-brassiere!" Damned straight...who needs 'em?? Excellent work here, KR...but you knew that I would love it...=)
Kristof Robertson - November 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks a bunch, AFW, Carol, Al and Miss Evenstar...I had so much fun with this one, I might just do another!
Kristof Robertson - November 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Arwen, are you suggesting that you're a "bra-optional" elf? Good lord, I can't breathe....;-)
Matthias - November 03, 2005 - Report this comment
A great tribute Kristof, I was looking forward to this one ever since you mentioned it in the forum. And it was... a-wraith-ing!!!
Arwen - November 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Well...that's a touchy subject, Kristof. I will admit that they provide an important service...and some of them are very very cute and I've spent too much money on them from time to time...but...um...yeah, I suppose that's what I'm saying...

Sorry to hear about the breathing problem...do you need some mouth to mouth? ; )
Tim Mayfield - November 03, 2005 - Report this comment
This one has a nice Ring to it. Guess it's a hard Hobbit to break. Love the references. And the skewered like a shishkabob. 5's
Phil Alexander - November 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Excellent, as usual. Some wonderful imagery (especially the Olsen twin thought) :-)
stuart mcarthur - November 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Congratulations Kristof for making me want to know what the hell's going on with all these half-people (3 foot 8),hobbits and wraiths etc. for the first time - ah well, alas I remain out of the loop, but there were enough funny lines for me anyway! eg. Well, duh….feel bad! - LOL - 555
Johnny D - November 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Nothin' like an Elf-gal's firm bosom to stiffen your resolve! 555!
Rex - November 04, 2005 - Report this comment
ROTFL! Thith ith gweat!
Kristof Robertson - November 07, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks Matthias (great idea), Tim, Phil, Stu (you WILL succumb...), JD (hehe) and Rex. Oh, and Arwen..yeth pleathe!!! ;-)

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