This ole mouse must be bewildered;
He has been caged all his life,
Never known some time of comfort,
Frequently under the knife.
He's been exposed to cholera.
And he's been turned inside out.
This mouse trembles with pre-Parkness,
So he's got a twitching snout.

CHORUS:
Ain't a-gonna feed this mouse no longer
All those fiendish things that give him sores--
One day they inject with shingles,
The next day some anthrax spores.
When they go on testing binges,
They drive the rodent insane.
Ain't a-gonna feed this mouse no longer,
He ain't a-gonna be fed no more taints.

This ole mouse's skin is flaky,
This ole mouse, exposed to mold,
This ole mouse has a probed brain,
This ole mouse gets hot and cold,
This ole mouse is plied with pills; he
Nevertheless is in pain.
Diuretics make him leaking;
Next, they're giving him Rogaine.

CHORUS

This ole mouse has been put under
With morphine and chloroform.
Then the testing team assembles
And they start to fill out forms.
There's no doubt they're a-gonna free him,
Then they open his cage gate
And let Tucker the cat out,
Who's a-gettin' ready to eat blue plate.

Tucker feeds on this mouse and gets stronger
'Cause the mouse had once been given more
Than just a paltry ole single
Dose that Palmeiro adores.
It hits him and then unhinges
Great aggression in his brain.
Ain't a-gonna see those louts no longer,
Feline's a-fed on 'em just like chow mein.