I'm eating & right in the middle of the whitefish
A bone pokes up and stabs me in the mouth
Before I put it down I hold a fork against my head
& chew those cardboard matzoh balls instead
& scream
I think I hate Jews!!

This morning, I woke up with this feeling
That my groin's been slowly bleeding through the night
I looked between my legs and saw no penis in my sight
Just then my mother told me
of an eager Jewish scholar
who circumsized me for his hebrew school assignment
It makes me yell & shout it
I think I hate Jews!!

I think I hate Jews!!
& that's what I'm so afraid of
I'm afraid of bearded men all dressed in black
following me 'round the block
making sure my food is kosher
that I keep the holy torah in a box right on my arm
Will they do me harm?
I think I hate Jews!!

Then one day, I got a call from my accountant
Who was working on my taxes for the year
I listened with both ears
When he told me of the fortune that I saved
He slashed me dues in half
He's a financial lifesaving raft
I really had to laugh & cry
I think I love Jews!!

Next week, my doctor scheduled my surgery
He was really very excited for me
He told me of 9 inches that he'd add
to my mutilated member
that was dismembered by the scholar
he'd make it super sensitive
It really made me holler
I think I love Jews!!

I think I love Jews!!
& there's nothing I'm afraid of
Not afraid of hearing your dumb bar mitzvah speech
Of stepping on the wine glass
Of fasting through the week
Of living in a Kibbutz
with a nice Jewish girl names Toots
I think I love Jews!!