Way up in there, my gut's in pain;
My anus will respire.
I said yes to habaneros—
Now my colon wind's on fire.

This fire blows the farts around
And sends the patrons flyin'.
One says as he dives for the ground:
"There's somethin' up there dyin'!"

On fire,
On fire,
My colon wind's on fire.

I could expel a fiery flame
In here where folks are dinin'
If any candles got near me.
Luckily, just lights are shinin'.

I empathize with boys and girls
Left in the vent behind me.
They gag and retch and sneeze and cough.
They call on God to bind me.

To bind me,
To bind me,
To bind my fiery heinie.

Up there it's like a plugged gas main—
A fiery wind is growin'.
And when it pops and start to blow,
Just hope no turds are flowin'.

Now I'm a gusting, blowing man,
With many farts inside me.
Folks want to get away from me;
They hate to stand beside me.

On fire,
On fire,
My colon wind's on fire.

On fire,
On fire!
No legumes for me.