They're like a sprayed-on skin;
I had to be poured in.
It's almost like being in kid gloves.

Tight as Joan River's face,
They show each bulging place,
Such as, sadly, my handles of love.

Much too tight are these pants leathery
When I swell with thoughts of lechery.

To remove them, I peel
Them off myself and squeal.
They almost take my balls off
'Cause I'm as fat as Falstaff.
But I'm free of pants like kid gloves.