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Song Parodies -> "My Grandfather's Cock"

Original Song Title:

"My Grandfather's Clock"

Original Performer:

Misc

Parody Song Title:

"My Grandfather's Cock"

Parody Written by:

Rick Duncan

The Lyrics

Not what you think, you perverts......
My grandfather's cock
Was too large for the coop
But it ruled from the roost, beak and claw
It ate like three birds and could really make poop
And it looked like a turkey in straw
Oh, it crowed every morn like a car alarm horn
And we thought we were used to the din
When I chopped neck
Never to crow again
All of us slept in

Ninety weeks without slumbering
Screech, squawk, screech, squawk
Each morning we're lumbering
Screech, squawk, screech, squawk
I chopped neck
Never to crow again
And we all slept in

I'm watching that plucked birdie
Swing to and fro
Many meals would be made from this cock
From an eggling to a chickie the bird seemed to know
That his head would be soon on the block
So it got in its licks while us ignorant hicks
Couldn't figure out how to eat crow
Once we chopped neck
Never to yelp again
No more morning woe

Ninety weeks without slumbering
Screech, squawk, screech, squawk
Each morning we're lumbering
Screech, squawk, screech, squawk
I chopped neck
Never to crow again
No more morning woe

My grandfather said
That of those he could eat
Not a chicken so tasty he found
For it wasted his life and it kept up his wife
And to shut that loud beak and it's sound
It brought tears to his eye
As he munched on a thigh
And he licked up the gravy beside
Was that chopped neck
Never to crow again
When that rooster died

Ninety weeks without slumbering
Screech, squawk, screech, squawk
Each morning we're lumbering
Screech, squawk, screech, squawk
I chopped neck
Never to crow again
When that rooster died

That cock got revenge
In the dead of the night
As the pain in the gut made us sick
As we all hit the toilet
And grabbed for the tums
And we called our grandfather a dick
Though it seems so absurd
He did not stuff the bird
He found it not empty inside
So we mopped floors
Cleaning up all the yuck
As the old man died

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   2
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 4   0
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 5   10
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User Comments

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Tim Mayfield - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Huh? I don't follow...
Rick C - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
This is such a violent place today :-) 555
Michael Pacholek - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Surprisingly, I did know the original song. Or so I thought: I thought it went back to "The Lawrence Welk Show" in 1960 (the B-side of "Calcutta"), but that was an altered version of a Henry Clay Work song from 1875. (Sadly, many of Work's songs were turned into vicious right-wing parodies on this site by "Coral Snake" -- ironic, because we could use some "Marching Through Georgia" today.)
PMS - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
555 Rick. Tim, I think Rick D was implying that gramps didn't gut the bird before cooking it. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWW!
Phil Alexander - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Ah, the old "I didn't need to stuff it, it wasn't empty" joke - I first read that one in a Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers cartoon. Must admit, though, I was expecting something more along the lines of:
...was too large for his health
For it trailed seven feet on the floor
It was longer by half than the old man himself
Til the day it got caught in the door
Rick D - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Phil, I knew you'd catch that one. That's where I got it. PMS, thanks for explaining.
Johnny D - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
A parody full of fowl innuendo.
AFW - September 30, 2005 - Report this comment
I remember this old dinosaur...and it still stands up well, today...good job...great storyline
Phil Alexander - September 30, 2005 - Report this comment
:-) Oh yes, I remember you being a FFFB fan now... Thinking about Fat Freddy has given me an idea for a parody :)
Michael Pacholek - September 30, 2005 - Report this comment
Phil: Are you saying you thought Grandfather was a "longshoreman"?
carol - September 30, 2005 - Report this comment
funny and naughty. 5's
Waxy - November 10, 2005 - Report this comment
My own naughty variation, with a bit of help: ...Was too long for his pants So he just let it drag on the floor It was shorter by half than his pickup truck's crank-shaft But I do believe it had twice the bore... And: But it broke off, Never to jerk again So the old man cried

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