Oh Malitol, oh you
Oh Maltodextrin, too
Phenylalanine, names are so peculiar
When Splenda hits your cup
It fizzes and it jumps
And so I ask the question
Do you think it will blow up?

Chorus:
Does your Xylitol lose its flavor in a minute flat or less?
Does the gum that has no sugar really have tropical twist?
Do you chew it a few seconds and then put it on your wrist?
Does your Xylitol lose its flavor in a minute flat or less?

All joking now aside
"Equal" I can abide
in fact it tastes much sweeter than does sugar
It doesn't leave a ring
And it gives my coffee zing
But all those substitutes for sugar--
Will my organs turn gangrene?

(reinvented chorus)
Does your parody lose its flavor
on the website, overnight?
If it's scrawled upon the main page
Will it fill you all with fright?
Since it didn't name the author
Did it make you feel uptight?
Does your parody lose its flavor
On the website, overnight?

Now Trident tastes like wood
But Extra's pretty good
At least you feel that Extra lasts a little longer
I'd voice my discontent up to the President
But I'm afraid he's got alot of problems that are stronger

(Someone speaks: If your parody goes haywire, do you think it's a sign you might win the lottery?)
Another person: Boom boom!

Does your Xylitol lose its flavor in a minute flat or less?
Is it tasteless, it is pithy, does it make an awful mess?
When you can't it stand no longer do you glue it to your wrist?
Does you Xylitol lose its flavor in a minute flat or less?

On the website overnight
Hello there, are you the one who chewed my parody up right?
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Sat'day night
On the website overnight
You know that I can't holler, cause this song ain't worth a dime
I'd make another chorus but my song has turned to slime
On the website overnight