Song Parodies -> The Angel and the Carpenter
| Original Song Title: | "The Walrus and the Carpenter" |
| Original Performer: | Lewis Carroll |
| Parody Song Title: | "The Angel and the Carpenter" |
| Parody Written by: | Phil Alexander |
In the interests of brevity (and not wanting to write a whole testament), I've left out the odd half-a-dozen verses...
And she was round with pregnancy
As round as she could get
And it was there for all to see
What Someone did beget
And this was odd, because they were
Not even married yet
So Joe was mooning sulkily,
And Mary did he shun
"She's no right to be up the duff
From something I've not done!
I may well do her in" he said,
"'Cause I've not had my fun"
With mighty wrath beset was he
That Mary had been bedded
And made of him a cuckold
Afore he's even wedded
And so Joe made his mind up:
It's time that she were deadded
The Angel met the Carpenter
And called "Joe, stay your hand!
Your wife ain't been unfaithful, no
T'was the almighty's hand
Your son will be the son of God
Eeee, isn't life just grand!
"The time has come," the Angel said,
"To talk of many things:
Of Gods and Heavenly hosts above
Of Jewishness and kings
And why there was this burning bush
And other holy rings
"He's sown the holy seed, has he
Because he got the urge in
And in a few short months, or so
God's son will be emergin'
So do not kill your wife", he said
"For she is yet a virgin"
"O Angel, are you shitting me?"
The Carpenter replied
"Your silly tale will surely fail
To stop me slaying my bride
'Twill serve her right for having
A little on the side"
The Angel lookèd back at him
And said "You silly sod
It is all true what I've told you
The kid's papa is God
So do not go and send that maid
Off to the land of Nod"
The Carpenter, he was convinced
(Logic was not his forté:
If Angel says, then Angel is
And must be right, so thought he)
He took the Angel's word as fact
His wife had not been naughté
And so the child he was born
Who e'er did impregnate 'er
And they did name him Jesus
Did Carpenter and Mater
But never was he known as "Christ"
No, that came decades later
The "Angel" saw what he had done
And thought "What have I started?"
Maybe t'would have been better
If I'd left her dear departed
Folks follow him... religiously
And ever more close-hearted
* * * * *
The moral's clear as clear can be
That if the child is yours
Don't make out you're an angel
And say that it's the Lord's
It's happened once before, you know
And what a mess it caused
As round as she could get
And it was there for all to see
What Someone did beget
And this was odd, because they were
Not even married yet
So Joe was mooning sulkily,
And Mary did he shun
"She's no right to be up the duff
From something I've not done!
I may well do her in" he said,
"'Cause I've not had my fun"
With mighty wrath beset was he
That Mary had been bedded
And made of him a cuckold
Afore he's even wedded
And so Joe made his mind up:
It's time that she were deadded
The Angel met the Carpenter
And called "Joe, stay your hand!
Your wife ain't been unfaithful, no
T'was the almighty's hand
Your son will be the son of God
Eeee, isn't life just grand!
"The time has come," the Angel said,
"To talk of many things:
Of Gods and Heavenly hosts above
Of Jewishness and kings
And why there was this burning bush
And other holy rings
"He's sown the holy seed, has he
Because he got the urge in
And in a few short months, or so
God's son will be emergin'
So do not kill your wife", he said
"For she is yet a virgin"
"O Angel, are you shitting me?"
The Carpenter replied
"Your silly tale will surely fail
To stop me slaying my bride
'Twill serve her right for having
A little on the side"
The Angel lookèd back at him
And said "You silly sod
It is all true what I've told you
The kid's papa is God
So do not go and send that maid
Off to the land of Nod"
The Carpenter, he was convinced
(Logic was not his forté:
If Angel says, then Angel is
And must be right, so thought he)
He took the Angel's word as fact
His wife had not been naughté
And so the child he was born
Who e'er did impregnate 'er
And they did name him Jesus
Did Carpenter and Mater
But never was he known as "Christ"
No, that came decades later
The "Angel" saw what he had done
And thought "What have I started?"
Maybe t'would have been better
If I'd left her dear departed
Folks follow him... religiously
And ever more close-hearted
* * * * *
The moral's clear as clear can be
That if the child is yours
Don't make out you're an angel
And say that it's the Lord's
It's happened once before, you know
And what a mess it caused
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User Comments Follow...
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Phil, I thought this was interesting reading--the happening described here is not the kind of thing that needs to happen more than once, and I'm glad that it did happen once.
Well done, Phil!! 555
Blimey! Well written and very, very cheeky....555
I remember challenging you to do this after I stole "Jabberwocky" out from under you. It's been a while, but you really tickled me with with it.
That was a long time ago, Rick... I've had this on the back-burner for a while (rather like the Jabberwocky one, but nobody got this one in first - I went back to look seeing as I never delete anything, and oddly enough I never had a working title for that one. Though "T'was boxing and the Sly Stallone" was obviously the line that started it).
Anyway.. Royce, are you sure that what I described happened once? I thought I was rather subtly implying that the "angel" wasn't really, and Joseph was just about credulous enough to be taken in. OK, not that subtly, then.
Anyway.. Royce, are you sure that what I described happened once? I thought I was rather subtly implying that the "angel" wasn't really, and Joseph was just about credulous enough to be taken in. OK, not that subtly, then.
excellent parody Phil!! Loved it....especially the "carpenter and mater "line..
yes, Phil - I'm with you. I consider myself religious in a very personal way, and I worship truth, love, and have other religious ideals, but the idea of a decision being made to artificially inseminate a female earthling with a special seed from heaven, in the hope that the resulting poverty-stricken child will grow up and influence a whole planet to become better people, nuh....the decision that is. Sure Jesus happened, but no decision was made - it just happened that a man was born with a unique and inspiring ability to articulate truths, and Paul was uniquely able to tell people about him - 555
The "naughte" verse was my fave but the whole thing was great. Plus it made me think of "The Most Offensive Song Ever" from South Park, which I love.
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