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Song Parodies -> "Top 5 Reasons You Can't Blame"

Original Song Title:

"Take Me Out to the Ball Game"

Original Performer:

Jack Norworth

Parody Song Title:

"Top 5 Reasons You Can't Blame"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

In 2005, ESPN Classic began running a series titled, "The Top 5 Reasons You Can't Blame..." which examines infamous incidents and decisions in sports history, and suggests that the scapegoats might be unfairly tagged. Seemed appropriate to do this to a sports song.
Billy Buckner played baseball game.
Made an error for Hall of Shame.
He's the reason why Boston crew
don't go through. Ball he blew.

Never mind game already tied.
Lead Bob Stanley had gone and fried.
McNamara 'bout Clemens had lied.
So here's a show we can do:

"Top 5 Reasons You Can't Blame."
At least that many allowed.
Scott Norwood wants field-goal try back.
Jim Kelly led a lousy attack.

You can root, root, root for the home team.
Branca gave homer, for shame.
But there's one, two, three-four-five reasons
you just... can't... blame!

Brett Favre wasn't a real good choice
to play for those raucous Atlanta boys.
Let's not see anger far displayed
for that trade Falcons made.

John McEnroe was so unkind.
Those officials really were blind.
So this program we now will unwind
to show he was right all along.

"Top 5 Reasons You Can't Blame."
At least that many allowed.
Bill Russell beat everyone, plus Wilt.
Chamberlain should not receive that guilt.

You know Pete Rose bet on his own team.
That's why he's not in Hall of Fame.
That's just one... of... many reasons why
Baseball can't be blamed!

Portland Trail Blazers didn't draft
Michael Jordan, those guys must be daft!
Took Sam Bowie, but while they cried
they had Clyde on their side.

Mike Tyson had his cover blown
by Buster Douglas in Tokyo Dome.
Before you shake your head, whine and moan
remember words to this song:

"Top 5 Reasons You Can't Blame."
At least that many allowed.
Douglas led fight on points, go check.
That's why Tyson became such a wreck!

Bartman root, root, rooted for Cubbies.
But he shouldn't feel that much shame.
'Cause for one... two... 98 years
that guy you... can't... blame!

Oilers traded the hero Wayne.
Deal brought Canada lots of pain.
They won't admit the truth that's real:
Gretzky said, "Make the deal!"

Game 7 could still have been won
but '85 Cards just came undone.
Even if Denkinger's call was wrong
heed ye the words of this song:

"Top 5 Reasons You Can't Blame."
At least that many allowed.
Big celebration at Ryder Cup?
British hypocrites should just shut up!

So go root, root, root for your home team
but watch every part of the game.
'Cause there will... be... at least five reasons
you just... can't... blame!
The San Diego Chargers drafted Ryan Leaf instead of Peyton Manning in 1998. There must be at least 5 reasons why that made sense at the time, right? Right? Right????

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.1

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Johnny D - January 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Michael, something tells me you know something about sports ...... or, as the British say, "sport".
alvin rhodes - January 13, 2006 - Report this comment
nicely covered
Max Power - August 03, 2008 - Report this comment
Except that Peyton's already been taken before the Chargers were able to grab him.

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