He tries so hard each night to show
He's still a stud, supreme
But all the ladies know he's just
A slipper and pipe dream
Old mem'ries from a youthful past
Can't firm a withered part..
Viagra just makes his face red
Pity the Old Cold Fart

He used to be a dashing rogue
With notches on his belt
Great smile and muscles rippled strong
Could make the ladies melt
But years and yesses take their toll
Upon the manly art
His used-to-be is fantasy
He's just an Old Cold Fart

No one could know how much it hurts
Sometimes he'll sit and cry
His body needs and wants real love
But organs can't comply..
Two dozen doctor's tests don't fail
It's right there on the chart..
His tire's flat in lovers lane
He's just an Old Cold Fart

The porno films and voyeur stints
Make up for missing links
Sometimes a pinch of derriere
When he gets bold and drinks
Young sexy ladies stroll on by
His bench, outside Walmart
Destined to be the one they call
A kinky Old Cold Fart..