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Song Parodies -> "Bleeding-Hearted Liberal"

Original Song Title:

"Modern Major General"

Parody Song Title:

"Bleeding-Hearted Liberal"

Parody Written by:

Steve Kalafut

The Lyrics

Now that I've learned more of Pirates Of Penzance, there's no way I can pass this up and remain a self-respecting right wingnut. In the choruses, "He" may be replaced by "She".
I am the very model of a bleeding-hearted liberal
When women want abortions, their requirements should be minimal
I know that ev'ry criminal was forced that way by poverty
And government should have the right to confiscate your property

I'm very well acquainted with the ways that folks are suffering
I understand our laws about control of guns need toughening
And it is my intention to raise the wage you're a living on

[pause, then continue speaking]
Living wage? Got it!

[continue singing]
But if your wage is high, then we will the tax you to oblivion

(But if your wage is high, then we will the tax you to oblivion
But if your wage is high, then we will the tax you to oblivion
But if your wage is high, then we will the tax you to oblivi-blivion)

I'm very good at stamping out the scourge of homophobia
And ev'ry other bigotry, so we can have utopia
In short, in matters foreign and domestic and political
I am the very model of a bleeding-hearted liberal

(In short, in matters foreign and domestic and political
He is the very model of a bleeding-hearted liberal)

I know our sordid history, about Jim Crow and slavery
The way we treated native peoples was a form of knavery
I think we should acknowledge that our culture's full of racist sludge
But cultures not our own, I say we could not should not ever judge

I can tell uncounted hanging chads in Florida gave Bush the win
For him to be the president is such a monumental sin
And I can cut down C-O-two by listening to Albert Gore

[pause, then continue speaking]
Al Gore? Internet? Got it!

[continue singing]
And get UN agreement if we ever want to go to war

(And get UN agreement if we ever want to go to war
And get UN agreement if we ever want to go to war
And get UN agreement if we ever want to go to go to war)

Now I can write a bill to satisfy environmentalists
And you can tell they like it by the way it gets those righties pissed
In short, in matters foreign and domestic and political
I am the very model of a bleeding-hearted liberal

(In short, in matters foreign and domestic and political
He is the very model of a bleeding-hearted liberal)

[slower]
The speech codes at our colleges are needed for diversity
Ensuring that no one can say that gay life is perversity
And such affairs as Clinton's should be deemed a form of privacy
The Fairness Doctrine's what we need to keep a healthy rivalry

I find offensive that someone would say "illegal alien"
To help the earth, it would be good if we were vegetarian
In short, a dose of social justice might well be the thing we need

[pause, then continue speaking]
What we need? Now that's a hard one, now isn't it? Got it!

[continue singing, at original tempo]
We know the righties and big business, they are always full of greed

(We know the righties and big business, they are always full of greed
We know the righties and big business, they are always full of greed
We know the righties and big business, they are always full of full of greed)

For their military knowledge, all those rightwingers are chicken hawks
They've all perverted radio with everything of which they talk
In short, in matters foreign and domestic and political
I am the very model of a bleeding-hearted liberal

(In short, in matters foreign and domestic and political
He is the very model of a bleeding-hearted liberal)

[A right-wing wise guy approaches the liberal soloist, and asks]
Can you do that again, real fast?

[the liberal soloist looks at the conductor, and requests]
Maestro, presto agitato, s'il vous plait

[repeat 3rd verse, ("The speech codes...")
at a speed even faster than the original tempo,
and without the pause or spoken part]

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 23

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
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 2   0
 0
 1
 
 3   1
 1
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 4   1
 2
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 5   21
 19
 21
 

User Comments

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Michael Pacholek - August 20, 2007 - Report this comment
Not every criminal was forced that way by poverty. Witness George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and Ken Lay. Tax increases are necessary to cut down the Dubya Deficit. No Presidential candidate ever said a U.N. agreement was necessary for us to go to war, only that the President would look like a dam fools if he didn't get one -- and, apparently, sometimes even when he does. I actually differ from most liberals when I say the illegal aliens should be deported. And I think you'll find that most liberals like meat. Yes, the right-wingers and big businss ARE always full of greed. Credit for good pacing, but deficit (naturally) for the substance.
Steve K. - August 20, 2007 - Report this comment
Mike, I realize that the illegals issue doesn't break down neatly along right/left lines. Some righties in big business love that cheap (underpaid) labor. However, it's mainly lefties, as far as I've heard, that prefer the euphemism 'undocumented'. And while there are white-collar criminals, poverty (sometimes along with racism) is often cited by the left as a 'root cause' of crime. As for a UN agreement to go to war, saying that the prez looks like a fool without one would fall in line with my 3rd chorus. Yes, not all lefties are vegetarians, but the idea that being one is good for the environment seems to come from that side. So I'll concede I had simplify much of what I had to say. But remember, the person depicted is the 'model' of a liberal, from which real live people will vary to some degree.
Steve K. - August 20, 2007 - Report this comment
D'Oh! Make that "2nd chorus". I need to find a shorter P of P song to parody next time.
Tommy Turtle - August 20, 2007 - Report this comment
Well-done and very funny regardless of whether one agrees with the viewpoint. There is plenty to satirize on all sides. Good send-up of the stereotype. 555
Dylan Baranski - August 20, 2007 - Report this comment
As a Republicrat, I agree & disagree with some of the ideas presented here. For example; I do believe that women should be able to have abortions if they want one, and I'm against racism & homophobia. However, the government should only have the right to confiscate your property if you are a really dangerous criminal. On the issue of gun control: I am not in favor of heavy gun control laws, but I feel that a few lighter ones could be passed here & there. As for the whole immigration issue, I believe that any illegal aliens already in the country should have to take a test, and if they fail it, they get deported. We should also take greater measures to curb illegal immigration & institute penalties for those caught entering the country illegally. And lastly, everyone has the right to eat whatever they want to eat, as long as it's not an endangered species. Here's something else that no one else has considered: the death penalty. I've read about problems with prison overcrowding, and I figure that having all states allowing the death penalty will save money on prisoner care, and of course prisons won't be as overcrowded. In addition, the death penalty should be an option for certain crimes such as drunk driving, drug dealing, etc... But there is the problem of wrongful executions, of course, so I'll look for a solution to that.
MrMacphisto - August 20, 2007 - Report this comment
Well done, even if I disagree with some of the message...
TJC - August 20, 2007 - Report this comment
I agree with Tommy Turtles analysis and your adherence to the original I found rathah refreshing!
Red Ant - August 20, 2007 - Report this comment
Funny and very well written MMG even if I don't agree with all of it. 555

Dylan, I was ready to join the party until the 2nd and 3rd sentences from the end of your post...
Kristof Robertson - August 21, 2007 - Report this comment
As a non-American who rarely reads political parodies, I've got to give you credit for great writing, and for not using the words traitor, demoncrat, and babykiller, like some of your less skilled affiliates. 555, although I too don't agree with your message.
Phil Alexander - August 21, 2007 - Report this comment
As a non-American who frequently reads (and writes) political parodies, I enjoyed this immensely - extremely well-written and (as K pointed out) steered clear of the more bilious right-wing rubbish that has been submitted here.
Tommy Turtle - August 21, 2007 - Report this comment
Like much of the other great stuff posted here lately, it takes more than one reading... Just got "Al Gore/Internet"... Does anyone else here, regardless of political affiliation, remember Al Gore's ridiculous claim that he invented the Internet, or something? ... Good lampoon. As per original comment, plenty to satirize on all wings of the poli spectrum.
John Jenkins - August 22, 2007 - Report this comment
Excellent stuff, Steve. I enjoyed your oxymorons because the liberal version of social justice is anything but just, and their version of the Fairness Doctrine is anything but fair.
Dylan Baranski - August 23, 2007 - Report this comment
Actually, you're right, Red Ant. Maybe the gov't should have no right to confiscate people's property.
Phil Alexander - August 23, 2007 - Report this comment
TT - caught your comment and had to reply: Al Gore never claimed anything of the kind, it was the usual bunch of misquotes and just plain lies from the usual right-wing hit squads.
John Jenkins - August 23, 2007 - Report this comment
Phil, in a 1999 interview with Wolf Blitzer on CNN, Al Gore claimed that he "took the initiative in creating the Internet," which is definitely an exaggeration that "right wing hit squads" didn't have to work very hard to make fun of.
TT - August 28, 2007 - Report this comment
John Jenkins, thanks for reassurance that TT's senility isn't final yet... and as for Gore's claim, here I always thought it was Tim Berners-Lee at CERN -- how stupid was I?
Larry Craig - August 29, 2007 - Report this comment
I'm Larry Craig and, along with Mark Foley, David Vitter and Randall Tobias, we support couldn't agree more with the contents of this work.
Immoral Liberal - August 29, 2007 - Report this comment
Hey Larry - I beginning to think that my moniker is misleading. I must be naive - never thought all this immorality was going on in the republican party, let alone the Minneapolis airport and DC train station bathrooms. Out of all the right wing nut balls, whoever thought that Rudi would look like a Boy Scout? Ah, the family value party now takes on a whole new meaning, doesn't it?
Melanie Lee - May 07, 2008 - Report this comment
Hilarious! Brilliant!--and these kudos from a True Blue Stater like me! Again, you list your points well without resorting to mindless insults. I wish more right-wingers thought and acted like you, then maybe we could talk. 5-5-5.

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