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Song Parodies -> "The Four-Star General’s Schlong"

Original Song Title:

"The Major General's Song"

Original Performer:

Gilbert & Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"The Four-Star General’s Schlong"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

This one was too obvious to pass up.
He is the very model of a horny four-star general
With fornication cogitation, contemplating genitals
But his bimbo, not in limbo; in fact, she was hysterical
His vaunted brain rather inane or possibly chimerical

He is out now; that was his vow, and he was quite emphatical
Where he will go, we all do know, will not be on sabbatical
About his fling we are reading a nauseating load o’ news
Back at his house, a grousing spouse; might need a new abode t’ use

Back at his pad, things looking bad; might need a new abode t’ use

Quite a wench hound, he went and found himself another gal to buss
Which made his mate, once quite sedate into an irate gal to cuss
In short in matters marital, his attention ephemeral
He is the very model of a horny four-star general

In short in matters cerebral, he acted like a vegetable
He is the very model of a horny four-star general

A Princeton guy with IQ high, so his act was a paradox
He used his dick to think; the chick was fixed upon his pair o’ rocks
In her bio she said “My oh my, this guy’s truly fabulous!”
It was a ghost who wrote the most, so now we ask, who shall you trust?

The late-night jokesters prod and poke in going on a scoffin’ spree
RE: FBI guy who said, “I tweet sly pix after doffin’ T.”
He flexed his pecs and dreamed of sex while exhibiting skin galore
He shot below this face to show recipient his chin and more

Sent text and chest but not the rest while flexing pecs and skin galore

Seems some gals love it, thinking of a man whose duds are uniform
Enmeshed in thought, they then get hot and envision a unicorn
Or a narwhal that’s got a ball on each side of extensional
Appendage jutting like a strut—it’s symbolism genital

Or a narwhal that’s got a ball on each side of extensional
Large-timber joist all set to hoist—like saluting a general

Craven sex slave; career of Dave is rapidly unravelin’
While the pundits, lunkhead nitwits spit hissy fits and cavilin’.
And Congress trolls open pieholes and call for a commission, find
Out what was said when they’re in bed, and what was the emission kind

Dave made his way to CIA after a job in gunnery
Be it resolved that all involved, it seems, could not much dumber be
Gen’ral Allen was, too, galin’, but with no Lady Chatterley
No, his bimbo, legs akimbo, a “socialite” who’s slatternly

She sought a sir who would assert and flirt and purr with flattery

Dave has military knowledge but he f**ked up with the wench P.B.
Not in his pants he kept his lance but rather in the trench P.B.
(The trenches he left and quickly was wending into trench P.B.)
He had the skill but blew the drill; Agency-fill, ephemeral
He is the very model of a horny four-star general

He had the skill but blew the drill while she blew on his genital
He is the sorry model of a horny four-star general

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   11
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 11
 

User Comments

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Phil Alexander - November 20, 2012 - Report this comment
As you say, an idea too obvious to pass up (now, why didn't I think of it?), but brilliantly executed.
Barry J. Mitchel - November 20, 2012 - Report this comment
Superb job, faithful to the satirical original. You got a two-fer (David & John).
Wendy Christopher - November 20, 2012 - Report this comment
Oh my lord... two Major-General parodies to bow down in awe to in one day! I second Phil - brilliantly executed, and very, very funny. I can only give 555 unfortunately - but they are very big, shiny ones :^)
AFW - November 20, 2012 - Report this comment
Very good rhyming, and good flow...top job
John Barry - November 20, 2012 - Report this comment
Many thanks, all!
Lifeliver - November 20, 2012 - Report this comment
JB, your parodies should be studied in parody school. Every device in the model of a modern major parodist is on display here. Just when I think you can't squeeze any more double-entendres out of it, you squoze. Every line would be one singled out in the work of other mere mortal parodists. It might be an obvious topic, but the execution of it is far from obvious, except to you. Brilliant stuff.
Callmelennie - November 20, 2012 - Report this comment
I thought it was obvious, too, JAB. But I took a pass, probably because I couldn't have completed it in three lifetimes.
Meriadoc - November 20, 2012 - Report this comment
I especially liked the narwhale, emission kind and slatternly.
John Jenkins - November 20, 2012 - Report this comment
Incredible rhyming and humor. Too many good lines to mention, but the "paradox/pair o' rocks" verse stood out for me. I commend you for the same line rhyming (Princeton guy/IQ high, bio/my oh, etc), and I think a few others who have parodied this OS have tried to do that as well, but I don't see it in Gilbert and Sullivan's masterpiece.
Leough - November 21, 2012 - Report this comment
Definitely a five-star effort!!!
Michael Pacholek - November 21, 2012 - Report this comment
Whatever happened to Johnny D? This would have been right in his wheelhouse. Anyway, a 5 for doing it as well as he would have.

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