I have been grapplin' with the Minotaur,
And I'm mighty gods-damned pooped!
He venously drew blood,
Vehemently threw mud. . .
Body-slammed, my shoulders stooped.

Those horns look like fearsome spears;
Hope they don't pierce my ears
Or rip me pelvicly,
It would feel like a sharp nail
If I got one in the tail--
It might sever me sphincterally.

Butt sever,
Hole sever,
Torn nethers--
I'd need tethers
If I'm severed sphincterally.

So I live in fear that I'll be gored
In a tine-like gaffin' from the Minotaur.
I live in fear that I'll be gored
In a gaffin' from the Minotaur.

Into my chest he's stabbing like an awl,
The horn's just a stub that's bent.
Osteoporotic guy.
I tell him that he should try
A calcium supplement

His ossuary is lined
With remains after he'd dined.
This cad-demon sups on men!

I'm not stabbed, just contused,
And he is not amused
Because he hasn't murdered me.
He's bothered that I may
Turn tail and walk away.
This "heifer" won't dig into me.

This "heifer"'s
No gaffer,
I'm jester
Armed with laugher.

No, this "heifer" won't dig into me!

As he starts to weep, I heap on scorn
To the vastly overrated Minotaur.
My name's Theseus: I was born
To decapitate the Minotaur.