-> "The Major-Gold Digger's Song"
Original Song Title:
"The Major-General's Song"
Parody Song Title:
"The Major-Gold Digger's Song"
The Lyrics
He is the major model of the perfect guy to be my mate
It doesn't matter that his use of diction isn't all that great
He may have nasty manners, no I've never seen him hold a door
But several times I've held the door for him and he's called me a whore
I want to be his lady, I want him to be my lovin' man
Though I heard from an inside source that he's a shameless "Matlock" fan
He doesn't even have a job, I'm not sure what he does for fun
But I assure you, when it comes to love he is the only one
Yes I assure you, there's no other fit to be my Honey Bun
Yes I assure you, there's no other fit to be my Honey Bun
Yes I assure you, there's no other fit to be my Honey Bun
He hasn't had a driver's license since his eighty-seventh wreck
If we go out skeet shooting, as I know he's blind, I hit the deck
He loves his food with garlic, but he never seems to have a mint
He slurs his words, but I contend my be-lov-ed was heaven sent
To be the one he longs for is the only thing I really want
Because, I will admit it, my poor wallet's looking awful gaunt
His fashion sense is dismal, he wears plaids and stripes with everything
But by his side I will remain, a Queen who clashes with her King
I try to overlook the fact the he eats crackers in his bed
And I will smile while dancing when his wheelchair on my foot has tread
I cannot stand the way he eats his dinner with his mouth open
But for a diamond ring from him with all my heart I am hopin'
He isn't cute, but that is moot, I swear I'll never go astray
Yes, I will stay devoted to him up until his dying day
I'll hold this burning torch for him for months--until his dying day
I'll hold this burning torch for him for months--until his dying day
I'll hold this burning torch for him for months--until his dying day
He's got a dozen lady friends who'd take my place given the chance
There's Ethel, Myrtle, El-o-ise, and more who long for this romance
But I'm the one he chose above them all it seems I've passed the test
Though I'm not sure it has nothing to do with the size of my breasts
Yes, I'm the one, he vowed his love and took me on a shopping spree
I left him napping in the food court once he gave his card to me
I think there might be those of you who question what my motive is
What's wrong with swearing that my one desire is to just be his?
I know he kind of smells funny and sometimes he can't chew his food
But that is only when his pesky dentures go and come unglued
His children, they all hate me, per-haps because they are twice my age
And once I have become his wife, they'll go, in his Will, back a page
But love's a funny thing, you know, he fell for me against the odds
And that's a good thing, 'cause without him, I could not afford this bod
Yes, what a good thing, he's the one who's paid for me to have this bod
Yes, what a good thing, he's the one who's paid for me to have this bod
Yes, what a good thing, he's the one who's paid for me to have this bod
He's ninety three, that's fine with me, I know he hasn't got much time
If we are wed, and then the's dead, I won't cry but I'll get what's mine
It won't take long after our wedding trip to South Am-er-i-ca
Or maybe I'll get lucky and down there he'll catch Mal-ar-i-a
Yes soon, I'll get what I deserve, I'll be Number One in his Will
The Irony's that I'm the one who'll die while we are in Brazil!
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Voting Results
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Pacing: | 4.9 | |
How Funny: | 5.0 | |
Overall Rating: | 5.0 | |
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Total Votes: | 14 |
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Voting Breakdown
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