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Song Parodies -> "I'm Vexed Ma Bell Has Gone the Way of Hominids Nea"

Original Song Title:

"I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General"

Original Performer:

Gilbert and Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"I'm Vexed Ma Bell Has Gone the Way of Hominids Nea"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

My last one; I'm Major-Generaled out. In the last line, TPC: The Phone Company, AKA AT&T, In the 1967 film "The President's Analyst," in which Ma Bell was portrayed as a robotic monopoly bent on controlling the world's communication.
I'm vexed Ma Bell has gone the way of hominids Neanderthal,
Maternalistic monolith, monopolist, she'd scan the call.
She was the belle of telecom, offspring of Bell, historical.
Her fortunes fell from favor; now her "savior" is hick whores from hell.

Down there in San Antone is where Lone Star phone sharks plot fatter bills,
Their dial tone's grown to many homes; I groaned as they got fatter still.
In fact, if they were a fish, where it feeds there would be bottom views.
I wish they wouldn't feed on me or AT&T. . .rotten news.
I wish they wouldn't feed on me or AT&T. . .rotten news.

These Texans try to tempt us and to prove that they're a pal to us,
We need consent decree that probes SBC, with its thrall to bust.
The rates, just wait, will escalate once SBC Neanderthals
Abate mates that compete; I'll grate my teeth, 'cause there'll be grander thrall.

The rates, just wait, will escalate once SBC Neanderthals
Abate mates that compete; I'll grate my teeth, 'cause there'll be grander thrall.

I roll eyes, they rationalize, nationalize and snare their flock,
To justify their share of pie, there couldn't be a rarer crock
Of shift paradigmatic. Trust-busters with pussy animus
Have dicks pared to nano sticks; butts they lick--they're pusillanimous.

Until this merger we'd heard the belligerent cacophonies
Among Ma Bell and telecom competitors; monopolies
We hoped were remnants of the past, but if this wretched melding's passed,
After this monster takes the lass, customers take it up the *ss.
After this monster takes the lass, customers take it up the *ss.

SBC says, "Listen to me, service will now be uniform--
A one-stop shop, no need to hop around, 'cause that keeps you forlorn."
The rates, just wait, will escalate once SBC Neanderthals
Abate mates that compete; I'll grate my teeth, 'cause there'll be grander thrall.

In San Antone, they say our moanin''s merely mindless cavilin',
But these cowpokes are blowin' smoke; they hoax and rope their chattel in.
They're full of bull; they gull you; then they pull you with their lariat.
No bulls near; just steers; no toros with cojones to parry that.

They've convinced all the cons we voted in down in brain-numb D.C.,
The commission that could commute the nuptials is dumb FCC,
Disemboweled by Michael Powell--lyin' scion maddened me;
He threw the towel in and vowed: "Thou scratch'st my back; I'll fatten thee."

Since Bell yelled, "Watson, come here; I need you!" more than a century
Has passed; our ass is grass, because the lass became debentury.
The rates, just wait, will escalate once SBC Neanderthals
Abate mates that compete; I'll grate my teeth, 'cause there'll be grander thrall.

We're fated to repeat what gave '84 decree--banned the thrall
Of AT&T; soon SBC's TPC Neanderthal.


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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   1
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 3   1
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 4   0
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 5   7
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User Comments

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alvin rhodes - October 12, 2005 - Report this comment
great rant...and entirely justified...5s
Rick C - October 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Please deposit 3 fives for an additional ten minutes.
Rick D - October 12, 2005 - Report this comment
There was a poster at work of two FCC officials looking at the wall where a cow's head was mounted. Around the neck was a little bell that said "Ma". and the caption read: "We thought it was a dragon when we slayed it". Your parody is right on the money. SBC is bigger dragon than Ma Bell ever was. (I used to work for those A-holes)
Red Ant - October 12, 2005 - Report this comment
I guess you are Major-Generaled out, and what Alvin said. 5s.
John Barry - October 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, Alvin, Ricks, Red Ant. I can't even bring myself to call the place the Giants play SBC Park.
AFW - October 12, 2005 - Report this comment
I don't think you'll ever be Major-Generaled out, John...another good one..fives
Dee Range - October 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Hick whores from hell had me rollin'. 5's
carol - October 17, 2005 - Report this comment
hat's off to this one 555

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