You and I are the outdoor types
But, that's where the sameness ends
You beat me in competition
We're lovers, yet shaky friends
Hooked each day on the fairway game,
While my poor heart condescends..
And because of golf,
In romance we are,
Not quite up to par....

(Refrain)
I like Palmer, you like Byron
I choose driver, you use iron
Palmer, Byron, driver, iron
Let's Call The Hole Thing Off

I get bogey, you get birdie
I score forty, you score thirty
Bogey, birdie, forty, thirty,
Let's Call The Hole Thing Off

Your passion I know is the hole thing, golf
We met this way
To be near you is why I play..
But oh, to my dismay...

When I hit a clunker, you clear the bunker
My putts are stinkers, and your putts are sinkers
Since we know we need each other...
Why can't we just call the playing golf off...
Let's Call The Hole Thing Off !

You have good back swing, I got a hack swing
You hit the fairway, I've a bad hair day..
Back swing, hack swing
Fairway, hair day..
Let's Call The Hole Thing Off !

You're a great chipper, I'm just a chopper
You make an eagle, I kill a Beagle
Chipper, chopper
Eagle, Beagle..
Let's Call The Hole Thing Off !

I'd just like to take the hole thing golf
And pitch it away
But, scared to chance love's dying day
So, I play everyday..

Your body pivots, I dig big divots..
You're good as Tiger, I'm more Rod Steiger
Still, we know we need each other,
And so, let's just call the playing golf off
Let's Call The Hole Thing Off !