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Song Parodies -> "Putin's On A Blitz"

Original Song Title:

"Puttin' On The Ritz"

Original Performer:

Fred Astaire

Parody Song Title:

"Putin's On A Blitz"

Parody Written by:

Wendy Christopher

The Lyrics

This one goes out to the Russian President Vladimir Putin, who, in time for the 2014 Olympics in Sochi, has basically made it illegal for gay people to be openly positive about themselves and their lifestyle. Which, when you see a lot of the 'selfie' photo opportunities he's indulged in throughout his term of office, seems... an odd decision to reach! *

And of course, it just HAD to be written to this one, didn't it? ;^)
Have you seen that photoshoot -
Putin topless, looking cute?
All that Russian mountain air
Blowing through his armpit hair?

His poses are aggressive
That manly chest impressive
Alpha-male in style –
Looks a lot like denial….

If you’re gay it’s not a good move to say so out on the street
‘Cos holy shit -
Putin’s on a blitz!
Got a thing about looking tough – he’s
Try'ng to tell you that, luvvies -
You’re misfits –
Putin’s on a blitz!

If you’re out and proud he’ll be reproach-y
And you are so NOT going to Sochi!
Okey-dokey?

Girls if you are Dorothy’s friend it’s likely you will offend
He’ll have a fit -
Putin’s on a blitz!

*** instrumental dance-y bit - we really need the Village People here I think...***

“Boys, look at that man Putin flash his tits”
“You look at him – I can’t…”

***more dance-y bits***

Is it wrong to think perhaps he‘s no stranger to assless chaps?
If that shoe fits…
Putin’s on a blitz!
Set you straight is what he’s wishin’
‘Cos dammit he’s on a mission he can’t quit -
Putin’s on a Rainbow blitz!

If you out-sex him in all your swim pics
You’ll be banned for sure from the O-lym-pics!
Sneaky tactics…

Putin stop the G-A-Y con
Can’t you see you’re a gay icon, it’s the pits -
Putting on a blitz!

***another mini dance-y bit***

Sweet cheeks, you can flash your guns but you’re not fooling anyone
So stop your blitz -
And put away your tits!
*Polite heads-up disclaimer coming now:
I happen to believe that, as long as you're not hurting anyone else, you should be free to live the life you choose. So if anyone out there wants to hit me with the usual anti-gay roll-call of 'why it's all wrong and unnatural' after reading this parody... well, go ahead, knock yourself out - but please don't expect me to engage in a full-on debate with you. We aint never gonna end up agreeing, are we - and I know a million better ways to waste a portion of my life, frankly.
Okay, disclaimer done - thank you!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Phil Alexander - August 19, 2013 - Report this comment
Brilliant, both in concept and execution - the more-than-a-little-bit-homoerotic nature of some of Putin's PR shots has been remarked on in a few quarters. Some lovely wordplay (the G-A-Y con/gay icon bit was the sort of thing I wish I'd written myself :-) )
Rob Arndt - August 19, 2013 - Report this comment
Spot on Wendy- 555!!
AFW - August 19, 2013 - Report this comment
Now, that's puttin' Putin in his place....Excellent spoof...TMGLTM...This rings the bell..
Lifeliver - August 19, 2013 - Report this comment
This was as cool as the song itself. I'm puttin' on the fives. The tricky cadence that makes it so catchy must have been fun to play around with - a great concept and lyrical dexterity worthy of Cole Porter himself. I don't think homosexuality is nearly as controversial as it used to be so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

We had to wait quite a while for your 100th but it was worth it. Congratulations. Btw, the Fred Astaire version you linked to seems to have been deleted, but the OS is very well known so no biggie. Looking forward to more regular contributions, but I gather you're a busy mum these days.
Al Silver - August 19, 2013 - Report this comment
LL: "Puttin' on the Ritz" was written by Irving Berlin, not Cole Porter, in 1928. It was performed by Harry Richman in a 1930 movie (available on YouTube).

The original lyrics referred to Lennox Avenue in Harlem where poor black folks might spend their last two bits on swell-looking garb. To satisfy sensibilities in 1946, Berlin revised the lyrics for the movie "Blue Skies," starring Astaire.

Based on my experience here, I don't think the OS is very well known to the generations following mine. I'm glad Wendy selected something from the greatest era of popular music.
Lifeliver - August 20, 2013 - Report this comment
@ Al - oops! I am embarrassment. Thank you, I stand corrected. Actually, it was a huge dance-club hit for a guy called 'Taco' around 1983, so well-known to that generation. I don't know if you'd enjoy it. I can see you grimacing now, but you never know till you hear it.
Al Silver - August 21, 2013 - Report this comment
LL: Per your suggestion, I watched a 1983 video of Taco performing "Puttin' On the Ritz." I prefer the Peter Boyle-Gene Wilder version.

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