Short man, less than 5' 6" in shoes.
No use, bringin' him to the pews.
Being, you've guessed, about whom I now schmooze
Is the wasted talent known as T. Cruise.

Dude is, dude is crazy,
Dude is, dude is crazy,
Dupe is his new lady,
Poor Ms. Holmes got taken in by T. Cruise.

He likes Hubbard, maven of chicanery.
He cleared the engrams of his Stepford Katie.

He'd look a whole lot taller if he's packin' a hat,
Don't want no boozy floozy, no he'll have none o' that.
He must get stressed when readin' his reviews:
He's taken to task as a hack, T. Cruise.

Dude is, dude is crazy,
Dude is, dude is crazy,
Duped that Oprah lady--
She also got taken in by T. Cruise.

I will not see his movies; they're such a waste of time.
His parts are mostly grinning. . .teeth have white, bleached shine.
I get depressed when he's seen in the news.
Flacks must have a task promotin' T. Cruise.

Dude is, dude is crazy,
Dude has views quite crazy,
Dude is just a slave; he's
Taken in by Scientology, Cruise.

He likes humpin', I've heard, the same sex as he.
He'd clear those spent grams, I guess, on bended knee.

Dude is, dude is crazy,
Dude is, though, not lazy,
Dude's flicks, they keep making,
But I can't take the film grin of T. Cruise.