When the Polling Station's closing, and the voting has been done
At the count, at the count
When it's time to count the votes up to determine just who's won
At the count, at the count
Time to tip out every ballot box, to pile up votes galore
To sort them into piles and find out who's been voted for
And pick all those b****y ones, fallen on the floor
At the count, at the count

Now I'll not say it's boring, this accounting exercise
At the count, at the count
But it might be more exciting, watching wet paint as it dries
At the count, at the count
It looks like we're not winning - we're down in second place
The very least we can do is to lose with certain grace
Though we'd love to wipe the smile off someone's self-important face
At the count, at the count

The time is getting on now, and they haven't finished yet
At the count, at the count
And I'm wondering just quite how much more tedious it can get
At the count, at the count
Time is passing slowly: I keep staring at the clocks
Watch the big hand moving, counting all the ticks and tocks
It's nearly after midnight, and they've found ANOTHER box
At the count, at the count

Then the Returning Officer reads out who's got the most
At the count, at the count
It's finally confirmed that we've been pipped first past the post
At the count, at the count
We force back the expletives, back behind clenched teeth
And smile to cover up the disappointment underneath
Then step outside and take one great big deep breath of relief
At the count, at the count