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Song Parodies -> "You're The Top!"

Original Song Title:

"You're the Top"

Original Performer:

Cole Porter

Parody Song Title:

"You're The Top!"

Parody Written by:

Israel Balin

The Lyrics

You're The Top!
You're a gin and tonic
You're The Top!
You're a high colonic
You're the burning heat
Of a bridal suite in use
You're the mound of Venus
You're King Kong's penis
You're self-abuse!
You're an arch
In the Rome collection
You're the starch
In a groom's erection
I'm a eunuch who
Has just been through an op
But if, baby, I'm the bottom
You're The Top!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.0
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 2.9

Total Votes: 26

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   13
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   12

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Sleuth - October 06, 2015 - Report this comment
Busted! The above parody lyrics have been around for years and were allegedly written by Irving Berlin. See
Irving Berlin - October 06, 2015 - Report this comment
No attempt at deceit here. "Israel Balin" was one of the many names I used before settling on the one known best. Most of you are seeing this parody for the first time.
Annoyed - October 06, 2015 - Report this comment
Present your own work, D*ckhead. Anything else is dishonest unless you post a credit which you did not. 111
Irving Berlin - October 06, 2015 - Report this comment
I resent the epithet used against me. I have presented my own original work under my own name, using an assistant to operate the computer. I had expected my parody to be enjoyed and to be rated and commented on regarding its quality, not on erroneous assumptions about its provenance. I have published it before; that does not disqualify it from publication here. Again, enjoy!
Curious - October 06, 2015 - Report this comment
But Irving, aren't you dead?
Irving Berlin - October 06, 2015 - Report this comment
I will have my assistant check, and I will get back to you on that.
Sir Laughalot - October 06, 2015 - Report this comment
"Irving" may have bent the rules a bit, but he did me a favor by providing me with a good laugh from a first-rate parody which I had not seen before. Lighten up, Annoyed!
Irving Berlin - October 06, 2015 - Report this comment
@Curious: My assistant informs me that I'm indeed dead. I don't see why that is relevant. In fact, I should get extra credit for overcoming a pretty severe disability. What are you, a necrophobe?
Jed - October 06, 2015 - Report this comment
Cheating is cheating, loser!
Irving Berlin - October 06, 2015 - Report this comment
@Jed Clampett: Trolling is trolling, and being inbred is no excuse!
Dr Giorgio Coniglio dec - October 06, 2015 - Report this comment
I don't get why Irving, who died in 1989, is making all this fuss. My question (likely never to be answered) is, who sent the 2005 blogger these amusing lyrics? Someone seems to be silvering over the fact that the OS was clearly a Cole Porter creation. It's a shame that such great lyrics appear so seldom on our site, or for that matter in the broader realm of the living. In any case, the real author, and his a-e.s should try to take their medication more regularly. (sec code ASR)
Irving Berlin - October 07, 2015 - Report this comment
Dr. Coniglio, I think I have seen you in these heavenly precincts, lobbying the angels to turn in their harps for ukuleles. The intermediary who supplied my lyrics to AIR is none other than Clarence. He has finally gotten his wings! In life, I was a workaholic and I couldn't turn it off, post-1989. So I hector the living with my parodies. I wrote scores of them, mostly to Harold Arlen in order to assuage his terrible depression. (I understand you have him on Prozac up here.) Most of the parodies are very naughty. Therefore, the Starkeeper/Family Doctor/High School Principal forbids their distribution. Oh, I'm running low on Thorazine. Could you give me an Rx? You're the guy in the bloodstained white apron and straw hat, right?
Noel Coward - October 07, 2015 - Report this comment
But darling: beyond a sliver of a doubt, Irving gave Cole full credit here for the original song. So did I, a bit more than 50 years ago, performing my parody of Let's Do It at Wilbur Clark's Desert Inn in Las Vegas. Oh, these dreary, gauche addresses:
Andrew Undershaft - October 07, 2015 - Report this comment
You may amuse yourself with this for an Eternity or two:
@IB - October 07, 2015 - Report this comment
Shut-up you conniving, deceitful, liar! Pack of 1s for you.
Clem - October 07, 2015 - Report this comment
Me thinks Irving Berlin doth protest too much!
Billy Bob - October 07, 2015 - Report this comment
IB? More like IBS!!!

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