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Song Parodies -> "Hitch Up Your (baggy) Trousers"

Original Song Title:

"Brush Up Your Shakespeare"

Original Performer:

Cole Porter

Parody Song Title:

"Hitch Up Your (baggy) Trousers"

Parody Written by:

Barry J. Mitchel

The Lyrics

The controversy over how much teen dress can be controlled by school personnel and police crops up every so often. Using the template of TOS, I counsel the offending boys but then put the responsibility onto parents. I omit some stanzas of Cole Porter's "Kiss Me Kate" song, but include most of the intro and say just enough to cover the subject. ;^)
The girls today in no high-school bee
Go for mass-fickle [1] clothes, you see.
So to win their hearts, one must dress to please:
Beltline must land above your knees.

You must show no more of your cleavage low,
Soft as cheese and so apt to blow.
Unless you are selling hand treats to grope,
Fainting Lesbians call you a dope.

Hitch up your trousers;
Stop floating them down!
Hitch up your trousers,
As the grown men do in town.

It's not right when your clothes cause a fussing
'Cause they show such a lewd place for bussing. [2]
Push up your shaked rear;
Can tail fall down now?

If Mom says your appearance is heinous,
Sick of sighting what's north of your anus,
Hitch up your trousers
And your Mom won't frown.

If because when you cheat she gets crusty,
Simply say "From today on, Mom, trust me!"
Hitch up your trousers,
Lift your balls and bow. [v.t.]
[1] Trendy styles; more accurate phrases that match "classical" would not pass the site editors.
[2] Does not refer to public transportation.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

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 5   3
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User Comments

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Monday Morning QBJM - October 03, 2011 - Report this comment
These revised lines fit TOS better:
Line 4 Beltline just cannot slip to knees.
Line 7 change "are" to "go".
Line 13 change "cause" to "brew".
Line 17 change "appearance" to "behinder".
Old Man Ribber - October 03, 2011 - Report this comment
BJM - To heck with the surface errors! This is first-class stuff by any measure. Great OS (one of my favorite musical routines ever). My middle school students knew that, if their trousers were too low in my presence, they'd risk getting the mother of all wedgies! ;D
Porfle Popnecker - October 03, 2011 - Report this comment
Great spoof of a style the appeal of which totally escapes me.
Monay Afternoon BJM - October 03, 2011 - Report this comment
OMR: Thanks; you're just too generous, too generous with words (quality not quantity). I aspire to be in your "class" (not middlin').
PP: Thanks; I think that style emulates and identifies with prison garb.

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