-> "Twas A Spoilt Brat At Christmas"
Original Song Title:
"Twas The Night Before Christmas"
Christmas Poem- Clement C. Moore
Parody Song Title:
"Twas A Spoilt Brat At Christmas"
'Twas the morning of Christmas: all hell had broke loose
Little Tommy was bawling and screaming abuse
The stockings were flung cross the room with great force
That bastard St. Nick'las had screwed up.of course!
The iPod expected was not to be found
The Xbox 360? 'Twas nowhere around
A present lay open, but he couldn't look
For it was (Tommy dry-heaved)A DUMB FREAKIN' BOOK!
With writing and binding, and an index and pages
Tommy yelled, "What the F? Is this the middle ages?
I can't even pawn it for favours or cash"
And so, with a flourish, it went in the trash
Composure returnedtwenty eight gifts to go!
Tommy tore at a box like a smack-addled ho
He shrieked, closed his eyes (and his pants he did wet)
What a blood-curdling sight'twas a JUNIOR PAINT SET!
With a mouth dry of s'liva, and a tum full of sick
Tom thought hard about pistol-whipping St. Nick
Or finding his sleigh and "adjusting" the brakes
And to finisha dinner of fine reindeer steaks!
No cellphone! No Nikes! No Eminem CD!
A sweater! Some mittens! A jacket, so tweedy!
Tommy climbed on the roof and he started to shout
"Hey Santa Claus! Santa Claus! SORT THIS S*** OUT!"
"I've done all my homework the best that I can,
Only ONCE did a Fedex my sis to Japan
The cat didn't need BOTH its ears, I surmised,
So the crappiness of these gifts has me surprised!"
"I made me a list and I checked it ten times
Created a website and put it online
Twenty billboards were hired; a sky-writer or three
Even Leno gave me a quick plug on TV"
So began Tommy's mad anti-Santa tirade
"When I'm eighteen, an ant-farm won't help me get laid!
I really must ask, Santawhat kind of d**k,
When I ask for a skateboard, brings a Pogo Stick?"
"I thought you were cleverI thought you were funky
But now, I'd have more confidence in a monkey!
You've got a weight problem; your dress sense is wack
And the beard makes you look like a vagrant on crack"
"You live in an igloo, and hang out with elves
Who I'd guess (by their smiles) like to pleasure themselves
I've had it with Christmas, so next year I'm gonna
Change my name to Bandahook up with Madonna!"
In the midst of his rant, Tommy boy heard a sound
And a nicotine-stained, sweaty hand turned him round
Kris Kringle stood there, and with whisky-dulled slur
He bellowed "You nasty, ungrateful young CUR!"
"You think I enjoy all these hours of graft?
And squeezing my huge ass down some chimney shaft?
I'm tired and cranky, you arrogant pup
So, if you'd be so kind.JUST SHUT THE F*** UP!"
He sprang to his sleigh with a leap that was so swift
And took off, burying little Tom in a snowdrift
And we heard him exclaim, as a big grin he flashed
"Happy Kwanzaa to allnow, I'm off to get TRASHED!!"
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|How Funny: ||4.8|
|Overall Rating: ||4.7|
|Total Votes: ||36|
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