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Song Parodies -> "Twas A Spoilt Brat At Christmas"

Original Song Title:

"Twas The Night Before Christmas"

Original Performer:

Christmas Poem- Clement C. Moore

Parody Song Title:

"Twas A Spoilt Brat At Christmas"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

Festive greetings, boys and girls...sit awhile by the fire, drink your egg nog...and let me tell you a little story.....
'Twas the morning of Christmas: all hell had broke loose
Little Tommy was bawling and screaming abuse
The stockings were flung cross the room with great force
That bastard St. Nick'las had screwed up.of course!

The iPod expected was not to be found
The Xbox 360? 'Twas nowhere around
A present lay open, but he couldn't look
For it was (Tommy dry-heaved)A DUMB FREAKIN' BOOK!

With writing and binding, and an index and pages
Tommy yelled, "What the F? Is this the middle ages?
I can't even pawn it for favours or cash"
And so, with a flourish, it went in the trash

Composure returnedtwenty eight gifts to go!
Tommy tore at a box like a smack-addled ho
He shrieked, closed his eyes (and his pants he did wet)
What a blood-curdling sight'twas a JUNIOR PAINT SET!

With a mouth dry of s'liva, and a tum full of sick
Tom thought hard about pistol-whipping St. Nick
Or finding his sleigh and "adjusting" the brakes
And to finisha dinner of fine reindeer steaks!

No cellphone! No Nikes! No Eminem CD!
A sweater! Some mittens! A jacket, so tweedy!
Tommy climbed on the roof and he started to shout
"Hey Santa Claus! Santa Claus! SORT THIS S*** OUT!"

"I've done all my homework the best that I can,
Only ONCE did a Fedex my sis to Japan
The cat didn't need BOTH its ears, I surmised,
So the crappiness of these gifts has me surprised!"

"I made me a list and I checked it ten times
Created a website and put it online
Twenty billboards were hired; a sky-writer or three
Even Leno gave me a quick plug on TV"

So began Tommy's mad anti-Santa tirade
"When I'm eighteen, an ant-farm won't help me get laid!
I really must ask, Santawhat kind of d**k,
When I ask for a skateboard, brings a Pogo Stick?"

"I thought you were cleverI thought you were funky
But now, I'd have more confidence in a monkey!
You've got a weight problem; your dress sense is wack
And the beard makes you look like a vagrant on crack"

"You live in an igloo, and hang out with elves
Who I'd guess (by their smiles) like to pleasure themselves
I've had it with Christmas, so next year I'm gonna
Change my name to Bandahook up with Madonna!"

In the midst of his rant, Tommy boy heard a sound
And a nicotine-stained, sweaty hand turned him round
Kris Kringle stood there, and with whisky-dulled slur
He bellowed "You nasty, ungrateful young CUR!"

"You think I enjoy all these hours of graft?
And squeezing my huge ass down some chimney shaft?
I'm tired and cranky, you arrogant pup
So, if you'd be so kind.JUST SHUT THE F*** UP!"

He sprang to his sleigh with a leap that was so swift
And took off, burying little Tom in a snowdrift
And we heard him exclaim, as a big grin he flashed
"Happy Kwanzaa to allnow, I'm off to get TRASHED!!"

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 36

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   1
 3   1
 4   5
 5   29

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Jack Wilson - December 18, 2006 - Report this comment
SONG OF THE FREAKIN YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS MUST BE YOUR SOTM ENTRY! This is awesome beyond belief, this could be a movie. 555!
Ann Hammond - December 18, 2006 - Report this comment
Had me freakin laughing
John Barry - December 18, 2006 - Report this comment
More than entertaining and more entertaining than Moore.
Phil Alexander - December 18, 2006 - Report this comment
Hilarious, Kristof... beautifully told, perfectly recognizeable scenario (though not of *my* children, of course). Have to admit I don't know the OS (or OP, whatever), but something like this might fit: T'was the night after X-Box: your wrist was all sore
You'd been playing for thirty-six hours, maybe more
The TV was starting to smoke in distress
And strewn all around was a pizza-box mess

hmm...needs some work, methinks ;-)
alvin rhodes - December 18, 2006 - Report this comment
Below Average Dave - December 18, 2006 - Report this comment
WOAH!!!! BRILLIANT. . .As I read it I could actually physically see it happen in my head. . .I don't think I've read a better Christmas Parody, and ther've been a lot of good ones. . .555, not that it's any surprise
carol - December 18, 2006 - Report this comment
OMG I'm laughing till my sides hurt!! 5's across the board!
PMS - December 18, 2006 - Report this comment
Too many great lines to mention! Thoroughly entertaining.
Adagio - December 18, 2006 - Report this comment
Fabulous, Kristof. I could name SEVERAL kids this would apply too. It was so funny, I just had to read it all in one sitting, even though I was interupted. You get injections of funniness that I should know about?
Yoidy - December 18, 2006 - Report this comment
Great storytelling, had me laughing throughout! 555
Kristof Robertson - December 18, 2006 - Report this comment
Jack: You're too kind, but thanks a load!

Ann: Glad you liked

John: LOL! Thanx

Phil: You don't know this poem?? *Cue: look of incredulity*

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse

Ring any (jingle) bells? Thanks for your vote, mate...and I liked your effort.

Alvin: Awww shucks, Mr Rhodes!

Dave: Thats mighty high praise, friend! Cheers...

carol: don't hurt yourself! My insurance won't cover it....;-)

PMS: Gracie, amigo!

Adagio: I go to my humorologist twice a year for my transfusion....glad you liked it

Yoidy: Much appreciated!

NOTE: This parody might break a record for longest time between inception and completion: I started this on November 28, 2005, and finished it on Friday last week. Eeek! :-)
Kristof Robertson - December 18, 2006 - Report this comment
Oh-oh...found a small typo: line 26 should read "Only ONCE did I Fedex my sis to Japan"
Phil Alexander - December 18, 2006 - Report this comment
Yes, that did ring a bell, but those two lines are the only ones I know of the poem. Which kind of counts as not knowing it (If you see what I mean)
Stuart McArthur - December 18, 2006 - Report this comment
me and my two ocker mates (flush-cheeked from cheering our cricketers Ashes win) trekked all night thru the desert to bring gifts (a 5 from each of us - they're all out of myrrh at K-Mart) and pay homage to this newborn creation Kristof - and verily it will be read at our Xmas dinner table so that others may hear the word(s) and share in this joyous bundle that you have bestowed on us so that we shall gain - and then we shall all rise (the fit, the hale, and the legless) and walk to our gifts, and throw tanties in the manner that you have prescribed - brilliantly funny stuff
Jack Wilson - December 18, 2006 - Report this comment
WHOA THAT LONG? Well this certainly was worth it! Twas a few days after Thanksigving Kristof started this parody
Last year I mean after "Me Depressed" and nothing else rhymes with parody!
Shiek of the Mutilated - December 18, 2006 - Report this comment
Worth reading just to view Little Tommy get his comeuppance. if I were Santa, I wouldn't have been as gentle on that kid's behind.
Kristof Robertson - December 18, 2006 - Report this comment
Phil: Point taken; i only knew the first two stanza myself...i bet even old Clem Moore, after he'sd written it, couldn't recite the whole thing!

Stu: Verily, Master McArthur, shall your yuletide table be laden with Antipodean delights: fairy bread, sausage rolls and amphoras of VB! And the festive air conditioner SHALL be on full blast! And it shall come to pass that 48 years will come and go before the Poms win the Ashes back! Thanks for your kind words,oh traveller from the south...;-)

Jack: Yeah, I've got a habit of starting things and never quite finishing them. I found my work-in-progress at the bottom of my filing cabinet last week, and thought I'd have a crack at the last 6 stanzas...and voila!
Kristof Robertson - December 18, 2006 - Report this comment
Sheik OTM: Thanks! And we all knew Tommy was going to get it in the end, didn't we? Sana is one dude NOT to be messed with. Merry Christmas to all!!!
Jack Wilson - December 18, 2006 - Report this comment
I see, I have that habit too! LOL I still have a parody form 5 freakin years ago that I STILL haven't finished.
Matthias - December 18, 2006 - Report this comment
Kristof you spoiled us with this one, this was amazing... and sadly horrible true, kids don't know how good they got it, if I was Santa I'd take my anger out on young children the same way
AFW - December 18, 2006 - Report this comment
Great story, Kristof...Sooper Dooper job, here
Kristof Robertson - December 19, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks Matthias and AFW!
Meriadoc - December 19, 2006 - Report this comment
Wow! A masterpiece as always. I'm going to have to start calling you Spaff Lite... :-)
Glen S - January 04, 2007 - Report this comment
Solid, man. Why is Tommy even thinking about getting laid? And besides, any present that can help you get laid, it's just so... I want one. I have a feeling your not done getting praise for this one so I'll just mention my favorite lines: "Happy Kwanzaa to all…now, I'm off to get TRASHED!!" and the Fedex of the Sister. Quality.
Agrimorfee - January 10, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Excellent! (too many good ones this month!)
Chris Bodily TM - January 15, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Wow... I've gotta put this on my Top Five! This is the perfect Christmas parody. Excellent job, Kristof. 555
Max Power - January 19, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - Twas the fight in Christmas.
Below Average Dave - January 19, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Um. . .my above comment is far better than anything new I can come up with:)
Peter Andersson - January 22, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - This will be in my top five, despite being a poem parody and not a song parody! :-)
bobpiecheese - January 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Brilliant! Reminds me of a series of Calvin & Hobbes comics I read once.
Red Ant - January 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I know I've read this before, and remember commenting on "Only ONCE did a Fedex my sis to Japan" as being my favorite line and LOL funny, despite the typo. Apparently I forgot to hit "submit comments". Anyway, grreat work as usual! 555
Cat - January 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Wow. Wow. Wow. What else can I say?? I mean, if it took you more than a YEAR to do shows. Definitely. I especially liked "And squeezing my huge ass down some chimney shaft?" and the "vagrant on crack" line.
Michael McVey - January 29, 2007 - Report this comment
This dude needs a stocking full of coal and sticks like they do in Germany!---MM
Stuart McArthur - January 29, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I can see why you can identify with KristofKringle, KR, but I also detect some autobiographical aspects to this - so who's the poor boy who once got a junior paint set, an ant farm, and a pogo stick, then eh? as Woody from Cheers says, you've just gotta repress all that bad stuff - great imagination here as always - loved the Leno reference too
Tim Mayfield - January 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Fun read! Great concepts too.
Glen S - January 31, 2007 - Report this comment
Already commented, but the re-read reaffirmed my favorite parts. I'm off to get TRASHED, heh heh.
wannabemustangjockey - February 01, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - I must admit I love totally irreverent Christmas parodies and this is one of the funniest I've read. Excellent work! - March 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Merry is going to have to start calling me Kristof Lite. This is spectacular, Overlord Kristof. Even in March. Glad you dug it out and polished it off. TMGLTM, but I totally agree with Tommy on the ant farm thing.
Rick C - March 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTY) FANTASTIC! I love this KR.
Below Average Dave - March 31, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTY) Yet again, my comment is already posted, this is the third time I've seen this one;)
Russell - December 08, 2012 - Report this comment
Hi Kristoff, I am compiling an ebook of christmas humour and was wondering if I may use your parody Twas A Spoilt Brat At Christmas in it? My email address is: Cheers, Russell

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