McCarthy falls, O'Malley crawls,
And Shawnessy barfs up against the walls
It's Christmas Down At Barney's
With all of the drunks I've known

Tom punches Joe, Sean's gotta' go
McNeil slobbers under the mistletoe
And O'Garrity, has intercourse
With bar waitress, Jill Malone

Their flys are always open
They all forget to zip
They'll flood the john, before they're gone
Just watch the floor, don't slip..

Rye whiskey pours, a toast to yours,
When it's closing time, they'll just lock the doors
That's twenty six for "Marty"
Let's kiss the Blarney Stone..
It's Christmas Down At Barney's
With all of the drunks I've known

An Irish band is playin'
O'Leery's throwin' darts
And Old McNuth, without a tooth,
Sits in a booth and farts..

That's how it goes, a jig, Tom shows
And Joe's puttin' ice on his broken nose
Juan eats chili con carne (Hey, how'd he get in here?)
McGee let's out a moan
It's Christmas Down At Barney's
With all of the drunks I've known

It's Christmas Down At Barney's
With all of the drunks I've known