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Song Parodies -> "It's Lonely Up in Heaven (Fred Phelps)"

Original Song Title:

"Dear Old Donegal"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Bing Crosby

Parody Song Title:

"It's Lonely Up in Heaven (Fred Phelps)"

Parody Written by:

Patrick McWilliams

The Lyrics

I met Fred Phelps years ago when he was running for Governor of Kansas. His issue was property taxation, an evil the government actually could do something about. Fred's web site lists a number of departed celebrities who are (he says) currently burning in Hell for their support of, or failure to condemn homosexuality. I added the names of some living notables who will probably end up there. The tune is suggested by my Dad's rendition of an old Irish song by Bing Crosby. The pacing may be a bit off, but I think if you are familiar with "Dear Old Donegal", you'll be able to come up with a singable melody
It's lonely up in Heaven
There's no one there but Fred
All the rest went straight to Hell
As soon as they were dead

Coretta Scott and Reagan
Dear old Gerald Ford
It may be hot where they wound up
But at least they won't be bored

The Boston Pops, Metallica
The cast of Riverdance
A singer name of Marvin Gaye
(He never had a chance)

There's Milton Berle, Flip Wilson
And of course, they're dressed in drag
But who'd have guessed Bill Clinton
Was just a closet fag?

And Hillary, a lesbian?
As far as Fred can tell
But any place that she shows up
Is certain to be Hell

Pope John Paul and Buck O'Neil
Anne Frank and Princess Di
All share a lake of brimstone
With that Adolf Hitler guy

Saddam is here, and Castro
That's really no surprise
But Billy Graham has a room reserved
The minute that he dies

Theresa of Calcutta's works
Don't count for much down here
To us she may have been a Saint,
To Fred, another queer

So I pray, Oh Lord, on Judgement Day
May I escape their fate
Please grant me opportunities
To prove that I am straight

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.3
How Funny: 3.3
Overall Rating: 3.3

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 3   0
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 4   1
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 5   1
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User Comments

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Jake - December 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Good lord! Are you saying you AGREE with Phelps?
Patrick - December 27, 2007 - Report this comment
This is a satire of Phelps' view that everyone who doesn't agree with his most un-Christlike hate-mongering is doomed to damnation. I've been to Topeka and seen his family standing on street corners with "God Hates Fags" and "God Hates America" signs. He had the bad taste to picket a high school football game after a graduate was killed in Iraq. A local motorcycle club pulled up between the Phelps gang and the young widow and revved their bikes to drown him out. Of course, if Phelps is right, Heaven will be a lonely place. But who would want to spend eternity with a bunch of kooks who send their children to military funerals with US flags wrapped around their shoes so they can drag them through the dirt? I would hope that regular readers of a parody web site would recognize satire when they see it.
Patrick - December 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Maybe I should send this song to Phelps' web site. I wonder if they would recognize the intent.
Agrimorfee - December 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Luckily Phelps doesn't comdemn people to hell for complete lack of ironic sense. DKTOS, but 455, Patrick.
Patrick - December 28, 2007 - Report this comment
I'm an old geezer, not overly familiar with new tech or Newspeak. What does DKTOS mean? No iPod. Still drive a rotary dial phone. Text messages mean manual typewriter or Bic pen.

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