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Song Parodies -> "Crappy Singer"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

The Cranberries

Parody Song Title:

"Crappy Singer"

Parody Written by:

Red Ant

The Lyrics

DKTOS? Click here to listen to it. Dolores O'Riordan has a beautiful voice. I, on the other hand.... this is dedicated to all those who aren't great at performing certain songs. The dialogue at the beginning is spoken over the first fifty seconds of instruments in the original.
~~~~~song begins~~~~~

"Hey, it's 'Linger' by the Cranberries! I'm gonna sing it!"

~~"Ant, you tried this song before last Tuesday
at karaoke night. You kinda.... sucked"~~

"At least I was in key."

~~"Yeah, the key of 'what the F!'"~~

"Well, wasn't I in the correct octave?"

~~"For a bullfrog with laryngitis maybe."~~

"But, I still got the pitch close."

~~"Close only counts with hand grenades and nukes."~~

"I KNOW I nailed the lyrics..."

~~"More like took a sledgehammer to them."~~

"Well, at least I tried."

~~"Unfortunat... I mean, yes, dear, that's what counts...
Good luck, sweetie. Have fun singing your song.
I'm going outside for a while..."~~

~~~~~~ lyrics begin ~~~~~~

As I
Take place on the stage....
Track starts to play
Voice goes away

Still SURE I can get the tune!
I've prove it to you soon...
But I'm tearing it apart
I'm ruinin' every line!......

You swore - swore I couldn't croon
(Like a) wolf howlin' at the moon....
No wonder I am gettin' panned
Should leave the mic at the stand
But I'll try it one more time
'cause I wanna torture you!

And a-... gain... you spew.....
I know you wish I were a mute...
You plug your ears up with your fingers......
'cause I'm such a lousy singer....
Well I'm such a-
Yes I'm such a-
Such a hella crappy singer..

So... I.... thought my voice was true..
I thought HIGHLY! ... of my song...
But I was wrong...

So you.... find a spot to hide...
Cryin' out your eyes.....
My singing has been reviewed:
By the crowd, 'n' they all booed!
Guess I always really knew
Yes, my voice is very crude!

But I'm in.... pursuit....
Of makin' all my listeners puke...
Want to stick your head in the wringer....
'cause I'm such a lousy singer?....
Since I'm such a-
Yes, too much a-
Such an awful, crappy singer..


Are you needin' more proof?.....
You know I'm such silly goof....
Now, pull your head out of your sphincter....
You, too, can be a bad singer....
Get the tone wrong -
- Yet, just moan on -
- Bet you've known a crappy singer!...

(in place of the last chorus):

"You know I'm such a ...."

~~"Honey, are you finished yet?"~~

"No, I wanted to sing this last..."

~~"...NO! We're going home, NOW!"~~

"But, I...."

~~"Don't let it linger! Dolores Whats-her-name
wasn't asking a rhetorical question!"~~

~~~~~the end~~~~~
copyright 2007+ Jack "Red Ant" Fletcher. My recording of this song will be available here at some point!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 19

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   1
 3   0
 4   0
 5   18

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Jason - August 07, 2007 - Report this comment
Very good Jack! Is this a SOTM candidate?
Red Ant - August 07, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks Jason. It's too early to tell.

The line"..such silly goof" should read "such a silly goof..."
Jason - August 07, 2007 - Report this comment
I didn't even notice that dude. To me it looked like it was intentional given the theme of your parody. Was you on holiday or something because I haven't heard from you for aaaaggggeeessss!
McKludge - August 07, 2007 - Report this comment
Maybe you should stick to songs sung by dudes, they might be more in your range 555
Johnny D - August 07, 2007 - Report this comment
"bullfrog with laryngitis", LOL !!
John Barry - August 07, 2007 - Report this comment
Not sure which I like more, the intro or the parody. . .both hilarious.
Below Average Dave - August 07, 2007 - Report this comment
It's nice to see you active again, I didn't see this coming. . .Well I mean outside the phone conversations anyway, I don't see new parodies by you very often.
alvin - August 07, 2007 - Report this comment
james blunt
AFW - August 07, 2007 - Report this comment
There's a lot of these CS's today...great work
Agrimorfee - August 07, 2007 - Report this comment
The singer was crappy, but this parody wasn't!
MrMacphisto - August 07, 2007 - Report this comment
This could be the theme song for any number of bands on the radio nowadays... Good job, btw... 5-5-5
JP - August 07, 2007 - Report this comment
I'm bad at doing witty puns, so I'll just say I liked this one a lot. 5's.
Red Ant - August 07, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks Jason & McKludge & JD & John & Dave & Alvin & AFW & Aggy & MrMac & JP.

Jason: I've been out of town for work lately. I'm heading out tomorrow morning for another 3 or 4 days.

McKludge: This idea was one that came from Dave and my paraoke sessions... shame we didn't have this song then. With that, there's no skipping songs that are out of one's vocal range, even if you also don't know the lyrics. Winging it can be fun sometimes, but, yeah, point taken. =)

John: You'll probably like them both better than the recording. At this point, I have no idea how I'm going to sound anything like Dolores. Maybe if an Irishman kicks me in the nuts and then I get some morphine...

Dave: I'm only doing about one a month now... quite a slowdown from my earlier days.

AFW and MrMac: I hadn't thought of that, but all too true.

Aggy: You'll probably have the same thing to say after hearing the recording, lol.

JP: I think Alpengiest shook all the possible witty replies out of me, so we'll call it even.
John Jenkins - August 07, 2007 - Report this comment
What John Barry said, and no deductions for the typo (I've prove instead of I'll prove).
stuart mcarthur - August 09, 2007 - Report this comment
even at the start I didn't think I knew this OS til I heard the main line - and a great idea to give some humorous reading material at the start during that long intro Jack - and I liked how you went for "sphincter" for your last linger rhyme - lol - 555
Jack Wilson - August 10, 2007 - Report this comment
Whos the crappy singer? You or Dolores? LOL This was awsome, 5s.
Peter Andersson - August 10, 2007 - Report this comment
I'm a bit late with my comment, but with the theme of the original that seems appropriate. :-)
Red Ant - August 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks John J, Stu, Jack and Peter.

John: Thanks for catching that one: my grammar checker must have been on the fritz when I submitted this.

Stu: Yeah, the long intro needed something to spice it up. The quoted lines will be in the recording as well.

Jack: Neither, really, though I cannot sing this song (but will try anyway!).

Peter: Fashionable late is cool with me. =)
Matthias - August 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Somehow I missed this one and only saw it when I saw that you said that this one was new as well as "Friends In Strange Places" in the forums, and I was like... Hey... I read "Friends In Strange Places", but I haven't even seen "Crappy Singer", I GOTTA check this one out. I was probably off at college, or Cedar Point, or vacation when this one came out... I dunno. It was good though.
Rex - March 09, 2013 - Report this comment
Wow. TMGLTM, and very creative with the intro and outtro. Also, us crappy singers gotta stick together, if for nothing else than to form a crappy chorus. :-)
Agrimorfee - March 14, 2013 - Report this comment
bobpiecheese - March 21, 2013 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Could've sworn I read this one before...could it's awesomeness have transcended space-time and wormed into my brain?! Nah, that'd be stupid. Fantastic parody here, very creative with the spoken parts and all. 555!
Max Power - March 22, 2013 - Report this comment
Well "sang" and it could be worse, some guy was shot at the karoke bar in Phillippines because he sang "My Way" off-key. It is pretty disturbing, after is it possible for someone to sing "My Way" off-key?
Max Power - March 22, 2013 - Report this comment
Wait, was it "sung"?
Red Ant - March 24, 2013 - Report this comment
Thank you everyone ~~
Matthias - March 24, 2013 - Report this comment
I should dock you a point for pacing because the intro and outro aren't actually part of the song... Just screwing with you man, This was a fantastic parody and after I've been to plenty of karaoke nights with my friends I can totally relate to this.
Red Ant - March 25, 2013 - Report this comment
lol, Thanks Matt ~~~
Wendy Christopher - March 25, 2013 - Report this comment
Top job! Inspired choice of OS, since anyone who can't sing is guaranteed to sound exquisitely dreadful attempting this particular one. Fave lines were 'JAMES BLUNT WRONG' and 'Now, pull your head out of your sphincter.' I don't know your singing's like, but I'm giving this song 555 :^)

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