A Spanish destination;
Straw hats and tapas bars
But now, my cheap vacation's
Less fun than a sunburned arse

There's lots of new construction
Our "sea view"- a concrete wall
No ev'nings of seduction
Just nightly drunken brawls!

The beaches are all closed up
All it ever does is rain
There's something growing in our bath
It's a brand-new fungal strain
Cucarachas round the drain!
(Oh yuck!)

High price mai-taisouch!
At Villa La Mediocre
The staff hit on my spouse
No tippin' those sleazy jokers
The chicken tastes like mouse
(Coz the chef's a ganja smokah)
Next door, a cathouse
It's Villa La Mediocre
Villa La Mediocre

Woke upto guns and screaming
And a funky sewer smell
For brekky, stale toast and week-old coffee
Now suddenly, I don't feel too well

There's something in the water
Makes my buttocks clench; cramp pain!
Each night we have some bedroom fun
"Identify that stain"
It's pointless to complain
(No Inglese!)

Pool-side, there's five cows
At Villa La Mediocre
And dry blood on "fresh" towels
The walls are nic-o-tine ochre
At 4 a.m, aroused
By p***ed-up karaok-ah
Can we check out now
From Villa La Mediocre?
Villa La Mediocre

I went to see a bullfight
And envied the matador
At least he'll get a nice clean bed
At the hospital, once gored
Should I just fall on my sword?
(oh hell..)

Wild-eyed, so tired now
At Villa La Mediocre
And sex I've done without
My missus won't let me stroke 'er
Now, as we leave, a drought
(I'm phoning up Al Roker)
Back next year? No doubt!
To Villa La Mediocre
Villa La Mediocre
Villa La Mediocre