It’s rag-weed season
My nostrils are clogged
And I cannot breathe
The phlegm tickling my sore throat
The itching of my eyes
Oh no, I coughed too much
I hacked it up

That’s me at the counter
That’s me in the drug store
Filling my prescription
Trying to fight off the flu
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I took too much
My stomach will be pumped
I thought that I would feel better
I thought that I’d try Visine
I thought it’d make my eyes less dry

Later that evening
Despite my mojo power, I'm
Losing my erection
Trying to wake it up for you
So I got my Viagra stash, flash
Oh no, I took too long
To get it up
Consider Vicks
Consider Vicks
If you cannot fall asleep
Consider Vicks
The night--time wheezing
Sniffling Sneez-ing
Coughing Aching Stuffyhead
Fever* so you can rest
Medicine, it rocks!
I hope that I’ll soon be snoring
I hope that I’ll fall asleep
I took so much I think I’m high

I took one for the team
And tried the clear and cream

That’s me in the dugout
That’s me at the Balco
Filling my prescription
Trying to keep up with youth
Now my head is disproportionate
Oh no, it grew too much
Now Congress called me up
I thought it would make me stronger
I thought it would help my swing
I thought it’d help me catch some flies

But what was in that cream?
H-G-H-yikes
Congress sure was steamed
When is cream, not just cream
Cream