Sometimes I feel like I can’t stop my bladder.
Sometimes I feel like I’ve lost control.
As I work my computer, I’m calm and relaxing.
Then all the sudden—heck, I gotta go!

My body’s like there’s no urethral sphincter.
My clouds, they are bursting. I can’t stop the rain.
Oh, how can I deal with these quick sudden urges?
And how can I sleep when my bed needs a drain?

And I don’t ever wanna pee
In my chair again.
Get me to the toilet now.
Can’t relax till then.
I don’t ever wanna pee
In my bed again.
Get me some new wee-wee pads.
Get me some Depends.

(Dear, oh dear)

Sometimes I believe that my whole world’s a bathroom.
I can’t take a hike, or take a long stroll.
I’m always afraid that my pipes will be bursting.
Swimming in pools, I’m a fish on the go.

And I don’t ever wanna pee
In my pants again.
Wait—I can’t afford to laugh!
I must make the can,
Waddle with my thighs compressed
Till I’m in the stall,
Hoping as I get undressed
I won’t spritz at all.

(Dear, oh dear,
Oh no, oh no, oh dear,
Don’t drip, oy vey, oh dear.
Keep dry!)

Over the wee-wee pad
Is where I’ll sleep tonight.
Over the wee-wee pad,
I’ll keep my mattress dry.
Over the wee-wee pad,
I will not soak the bed
Over the wee-wee pad
That will get soaked instead.

(Dear, oh dear.) (Keep dry!)
(Oh no, oh no, oh dear.) (Keep dry!)
(Don’t drip, oy vey, oh dear.) (Keep dry!)
(Can’t keep dry!)