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Song Parodies -> "Critique (All I'll ever get...)"

Original Song Title:

"Don't Speak"

Original Performer:

No Doubt

Parody Song Title:

"Critique (All I'll ever get...)"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

This is in response to Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni)'s comic MASTERPIECE "Hittin' on EmiLoca". If you haven't seen it already, go see it. Now. After that, you can go ahead and read this little ditty I wrote about JARLB himself. Please keep in mind that the views expressed in this parody do not necessarily reflect the beliefs or sanity of the author.
You leave me witty comments
Bet you have an accent;
Tempts me

I read your songs
And I'm losing all my sense
I can't believe
I could be this dense
You're charming me with parodies
I sure wish that you lived in Tennessee

That's all that I'll be getting
So I should stop sweating
You might be some pervert
Each week
I can't say what I'm thinking
I have one good reason:
I don't know how to flirt

Our parodies
Well, they can be amusing
But all my feelings lately? Real confusing.
As I write so late at night
I look over your work
And I "ignite"

One geek
Her hormones are distracting
She's overreacting
She ends up getting hurt (no, no, no)
Watch her stagger, stutter
'Cause she cannot utter
Her feelings won't exert

Is it ending?
Gratification pending; mutual?
You and me
Are you busy Friday? I'm free...

Your parodies astound me
Angels dance around me
Until my mind reverts (whoa, whoa, whoa)
I shriek
Nothing can suppress me
Verbally undress me
With your seductive words
My feelings are overt!
(You know I'm just playing
So I'll stop explaining...
Won't speak, no.)
[Insert embarassed, witty comment here] Oh wait, I have one of my own. [Just kidding.]

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   2

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

mark abram - May 18, 2004 - Report this comment
yeah, showed me this and it's official: youve reached a new all time low. i thought we had something :( jk it's okay, but it confuses me because ive never verbally undressed anyone before, is it possible?
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - May 18, 2004 - Report this comment
Ahh, my sweet petal! Your soothing sonnets touch my heart, causing a high cardiologist bill. Friday- it's a date! (note that the time difference may lead to a 3am date)
MrMacphisto - May 18, 2004 - Report this comment
Good parody.... You're in TN, eh? I'm in NC myself.... I wonder how many fellow southerners write for this site....
Adagio - May 18, 2004 - Report this comment
I live in Tn. too. :D
EmiLoca - May 18, 2004 - Report this comment
Note to self: when writing a parody and including the state where you "live", make sure that it isn't just a convenient rhyme. Thanks, Mark, for your support. We did have something, but I think you sold it on eBay, along with the toaster and collector's plates. I'm never letting you read my work again. *changes disposition from annoyed to girlishly unctuous* Dearest Jake, a 3 a.m. date would be divine. I'll book reservations at the nearest 24-Hour Quik Trip for some leftover corn dogs.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - May 18, 2004 - Report this comment
It's Luke. We really should get the basics down before we go forth with such commitments as leftover corndogs. Hell, I'm only half-sure what a corndog is!
EmiLoca - May 19, 2004 - Report this comment
*gasp* You know what, you're right. I think Jake is not only NOT your name, but Jake was also my ex. Ack, don't I feel sheepish. Tell you what, I'll buy you a corn dog and a half to make up for sorry.
green onion - May 20, 2004 - Report this comment
yeah, she doesn't live in TN, i should know (i'm her neighbor)... not bad, i kind of like it but if this is really true you're pathetic
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - May 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Hey you idiot! If you know anything about Australia, you'll know our national soapie is 'Neighbours' which has a 'u' in it!!! I fail to believe that EmiLoca is pathetic from someone who so blatantly shoves my culture back in my face with misspelt crap like that! *flees teary-eyed from the scene*
EmiLoca - May 27, 2004 - Report this comment
*applauds* And the Oscar goes to...
TIbbygirl - June 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni)!!!!!
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - June 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Tibbygirl, I had no idea that I was who EmiLoca was referring too!
EmiLoca - June 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Good thing she finally announced that...I think that 13-day delay is going to make our ratings considerably lower than most awards shows.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - June 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Emi, you can't have negative ratings!!!
EmiLoca - June 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Har har. Trust me on this one.
TIbbygirl - June 10, 2004 - Report this comment
I really thought that you needed to specify who you were talking about!! I mean, it was like waiting thirteen days to open the Grammy envelope.....I did a public service here. I'm proud of me.
Everyone - June 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Sit down, Tibbygirl. NOW.
Tibbygirl - June 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Excuuuuuse me!!??! Am I being disrespected up in this haven of creativity!?!?! OUCH! DID SOMEONE JUST BITE MY ANKLE!?!?! I WANT A LAWYER RIGHT THIS INSTANT!! MY CIVIL RIGHTS ARE BEING VIOLATED!!!!!!
EmiLoca - June 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Mmm...ankle....oh, pick me! I'm a lawyer!
vixen orlodo - June 12, 2004 - Report this comment
that was gew but de pacin' needs a smidge of waork yo'
Tibbygirl - June 13, 2004 - Report this comment
I choose you EmiLoca!!! Ain't that just so gew??
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Eh? Meh? SMEH? What the hell is 'gew'? A new phrase for 'well wickid', 'fully sick' or 'da bomb'? Can I be the first to integrate this lingo into the Aussie culture? I tried for 'Tche' (like saying 'cheddar' but without the 'ddar') as a sort of informal greeting but it never got off the ground.
Tibbygirl - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
I have come to the conclusion that it is the lispy version of "cool"...and since I am assuming that vixen orlodo will probably never be back to visit this board, I would most definitely say that you can integrate it into whatever culture you'd like.
EmiLoca - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
"Gew" is Uneducated American for "good". Another foreign language offered at our school.
Tibbygirl - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Me dig dat class-thingy.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Well, I'll be in out in three to five on gew behaviour.
Tibbygirl - June 21, 2004 - Report this comment
Ok, we're done.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - July 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Yeah, we sort of milked the teat of that one until it bled, and then kept milking... until the blood ran out and there was nothign left to milk even though we were squeezing really hard, with these weird sucky noises like when you're trying to get paint out of a bottle but all you keep doing is pushing air in and out... gew..
EmiLoca - July 25, 2004 - Report this comment
You ALWAYS have to go too far, don't you? It's like you're driving in a pickup on E, and you keep pushing the pedal, and your Toyota's making these weird sputtering sounds, and there's nothing left for your car to run on even though your foot is now completely to the metal, but the difference here is that you KNOW that you're out of gas, but you don't realize that WE know you're out, so you keep pretending you're driving at top speed even though it's perfectly clear to all of us outside the car that you're not moving. And...that would be going too far.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - August 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Yes, it would. Then I'd turn around and yell 'What the gew are you doing in my car?' and you'd be all like 'I don't gewing know! You haven't even gewed a driver's license, you gewhead!' and I would cleverly retort 'I gew you are but gew am I?' and you gew me to death with a metallic gew, making gewful slashing gewvments until I lay a puddle of gew on the gewment. And all of a sudden I'd gew to my feet and gew 'Gewdiddy gew, gewgew? Gewwegew ewg gewgewgewgewgew my gewgewgewgew you gewing gewdigewdiddygew!' and then all these gews would gew out from behind this gewweggew gewewg and ewg my egwwge down... ...and THAT would be going too far...
Here, have one of your votes back, I found it lurking in Chucky G's Porn Folder.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - March 02, 2005 - Report this comment
nnnnnnngggggggghhhhhhh gew.

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