Hey, Bert, I came today to see what is the deal.
You focus on my toys, the only thing that's real.
A clean place is your goal, of this you often sing.
Try to throw my trash away, but I still salvage everything.

What have I become, my sweetest friend?
Everyone I know says we're gay in the end.
Oscar wants it all, my empire of dirt.
I have let you down, my old buddy Bert.

I wear this stripe-d shirt upon my orange chest
full of someone's hands to move my arms the best.
Beneath the weight of crud I have behind my ears
my rubber duckie says I ain't bathed in years.

What have I become, my sweetest friend?
Everyone I know says we're gay in the end.
Oscar wants it all, my empire of dirt.
I have let you down, my old buddy Bert.

If I could start again, here on Sesame Street
I would keep it clean, our lives would be complete.