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Song Parodies -> "I'm a Dick"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Meredith Brooks

Parody Song Title:

"I'm a Dick"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

My mother named me Dick
Thank a family tree that's generations thick
Tried to tell you but you
Look at me like someone with this nomenclature fate
Must abbreviate

As a kid I cried
They teased me bitingly, it made this Dick decide
I should change my name and hide it from the crowd
Never whip it out
But I'm finished as a closet case
Now I'm out and proud!

I'm a DICK
Not a Richard
Not a Rick
Get the picture?
Call me Dickie and you're toast
And Rich I hate the most
Mr. Clark
And Van Dyke
You know what this is like
'Cause now I wouldn't go by any other name

So make your jokes, my friend
I have heard them all and surely will again
Laugh it up, you think your wit's so penetrating
So you use up every ounce
But YOUR name's always Dickless and mine's GOT IT WHERE IT COUNTS

I'm a DICK
Not a Richard
Not a Rick
Get the picture?
Ricky's just for limes and flirts
And Rich describes desserts
Mr. Dale
And Vitale
I'll always be your pal
You know I wouldn't go by any other name

I'm a DICK
Tracy fan
Mr. Enberg, you da man
Wish I had me a nickel
For each joke 'bout Mr. Trickle
Cheers for Sargent and York
And Butkus ain't no dork
You know we wouldn't go by ANY other name!

[Cheney sings:]
Woo-oo-hoo - Woo-oo-hoo
[Gephardt sings:]
Woo-oo-hoo - Woo-oo-hoo
[Cavett sings:]
Woo-oo-hoo - Woo-oo-hoo
[Van Patten sings:]
Woo-oo-hoo - Woo-oo-hoo

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 36

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   2
 4   1
 5   33

User Comments

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Claude Prez - January 19, 2004 - Report this comment
First, nice contrast to the original. Second, outstanding innuendo throughout (particularly liked "bitingly" and "penetrating")--glad you weren't penalized for it; hope this one gets bigger and bigger.
Jonathan C. - January 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Forgot Mr. Martin. Other than that, all 5s.
Laurence Dunne - January 19, 2004 - Report this comment
555 for dealing with such an odd subject matter. I hate calling people dick. I know a woman named fanny, a British army colonel named Bastard (how do his subordinates make up names behind his back I wonder, after all you can't top that?) and a woman who made her fiancee change his name before they were wed. His last name? Topless.
Billy Florio - January 19, 2004 - Report this comment
I feel bad for people named Gaylord.......
Jack Wilson - January 19, 2004 - Report this comment
LOL!!!!!!! Great job!
Tim Hall - January 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Great job!
Rick D - January 19, 2004 - Report this comment
This one hits a little close to home. I almost changed my name for this reason. Plus my father WAS a Dick. - January 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanx, C4P & Jackie & Tim!
Jonathan: Damn, you're right. But there are so many Dicks, you're bound to miss one or two. Unless you're, like, Madonna or something.
Laurence: I have an ancestor named Fanny Moon. You got a problem with that?
Billy: Are you a pothead, Focker? - January 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Dick, er, Rick: I was hoping I could call you out with this one. My best friend has the given name Richard but goes by Mark. So I indirectly feel your pain.
Claude Prez - January 19, 2004 - Report this comment
There's a guy I work with everyone calls "Stubby". Except me; I figure it's a good way to get punched in the face.
Melhi - January 19, 2004 - Report this comment
(voted earlier) Swell parody, Spaff. :)
Jeff Reuben - January 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent song Spaff.
Paul Robinson - January 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Spaff, Well I see you weren't "dickin" around with this one. DKTOS so I can't vote but I appreciate the sentiment. When I was young I had almost all red hair and one big "splotch" area that was PARTICULARLY RED for some reason. My older brother's friends used to see me playing basketball in the driveway and say "Red on the head like the dick on a dog" or call me "Wilt the Bone" (Wilt Chamberlain was called "Wilt the Stilt" at the time). To which my 10 or 11-year old self always had some clever, snappy, repartee to return, such as: "Oh, yeah, well FECK you!!" 2nd story: I did a tax return once for a client at H&R Block whose name was, and I'm not kidding, "Richard Stroker". And he was actually kind of a "Dick". And I REALLY wanted to ask him, "Mr. Stroker, is it alright if I call you 'Dick' ? " But I chickened out... The next year he came into another office where a friend of mine, Orville, happened to be Supervisor. I was sitting at the desk behind Orville's doing research and he says to this "Dick", "Well, I see Paul Robinson did your return last year", fishing for a complement for me. Well, the guy goes, "Yeah, He didn't know diddly", not recognizing me. Well, I start snickering and almost falling out of my chair and Orville turns around with this big, sh*t-eating grin on his face and he's turning bright-red and can hardly keep from just busting up in front of the guy. Of course, I kept making little humming sounds and clicking my pencil and such during the whole interview to make sure Orville didn't have any chance to regain his full composure. I don't think "Dick" even noticed anything was going on. OH...Mr. Stroker, I mean "Dick", if you're reading this, I don't work at Block anymore, but you still are a "Dick". But I didn't disclose any of your confidential tax data to anyone, if you might be worried about that. I might be a wise-ass, but I still have some ethics.
Michael Pacholek - January 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Dick? Are you a crook? - January 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanx, Mel & Jeffaroo!
Paul: Richard Stroker. Heh heh. So would you like us to address you as Wilt?
Michaeolopedia: I am not a crook.
C4P: You know it's not "everyone" - it's just that jerk who runs the zip sorter. And if either of you calls me that again, heads are gonna be severed.
Paul Robinson - January 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Spaff - No, even though at 53 I can still play a little b-ball I'll pass on the "Wilt the Bone" nickname. The original "Wilt" is dead and the "Bone"...well, not dead yet anyway. But thanks for asking...
Maea - February 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Cool! - February 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Maea: Thanks!

I'm glad the bone's intact, Wilt, er, Paul.
Jan Unwin - February 20, 2004 - Report this comment
How did I miss this one? I used to work with a guy named Dick Small. 5-5-5
Tale of the tape (measure) - February 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Pacing:5,Funny Factor:5,Overall :5 Total score:15" (yep,I laughed LONG and HARD!) - March 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Janwin: Just think - on school rolls, he'd be "SMALL Dick." The poor guy's probably become a serial killer.
Tape measure: Come again? (Heh heh.)
D-Boz - March 29, 2004 - Report this comment
I heard about some female singer once whose last name was Gayheart... Great parody, very funny adn all the comments were damn funny too. I especially liked Dick Small (and listed in school rolls as Small, Dick), Mr. Stroker (Is it ok that I call you Dick? LOL!) and mr. Topless, LOL!!! :-)
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - April 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Your purile innuendo, as Claude Purez so brilliantly pointed out, 'stands out' all through this gem. 'Your name's always Dickless and I got it where it counts'-priceless. I saved this on my 3 and-a-half-inch floppy, hopefully it won't spread a virus!
2nz - May 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Once again, you da man. The master of innuendos, double entendres and now proud to be a DICK. Sorry 'bout being so late, I just finished my take on this song, called 'Grinch' which was already done on this site once, but I'm gonna post mine anyway and see how it stacks up. Once again, you da man. - May 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanx, Dick Boz & Dick Brattoni & Pnz!
Melhi - August 08, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Gee, Spaff, it's a lot smaller than I remember... the total number of ratings, I mean. ...and it's the parody that has me giggling, really it is.
Johnny Dickhead - August 09, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Mr. Spafford, Johnny D(ickhead) thinks this brilliant parody would sound great accompanied by a band member playing his organ. 5-5-5!
Agrimorfee - August 12, 2004 - Report this comment
JSOTM--Tricky indeed! My favorite song thus far for this contest. 555
Mari D - August 18, 2004 - Report this comment
JSOTM: This must have been a big job, and hard to write. But you pulled it off! Great parody!
As long as we're trading Dick stories... I knew a man named Dick Forest, whose name inspired the comment: "You're a nymphomaniac's dream."
Also, in the early '90s I played with three dicks at one time (translation: I was in three musical groups whose leaders were all named Dick).
Adagio - August 19, 2004 - Report this comment
JSOTM this is clever...'But YOUR name's always Dickless and mine's GOT IT WHERE IT COUNTS' lol
Phil Alexander - August 20, 2004 - Report this comment
To echo what Pat said... that "YOUR name" line stands out
Freaky - August 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Claude Prez - August 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Still the best Dick song ever. Except for maybe "Can't Find My Penis". Excellent as always, Stubby. - August 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanx, Dickrimorfee & Dickagio & Phil Adicksundered & Freaky Deeky!
Mel: Giggle away - it's not the size of the scores, it's the motion of the comments. (Or something defensive like that.)
Johnny Dangle: Spoken like a true organ grinder.
MAD: You have more experience with Dicks than anyone that's commented thus far. (Translation: You have more experience with Dicks than anyone that's commented thus far.)
C4P: You just can't let go of that Stubby thing, can you? Heh heh.
Meriadoc - August 29, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Hilarious as always, but I had to dock you on pacing and overall as I played the song along with it and you are missing the ending bridge and chorus. Bummer, 'cus I was already to pick this as SOTM...
2nz - August 29, 2004 - Report this comment
What can I say, this parody still has it where it counts.
Peregrin - August 30, 2004 - Report this comment
LOL, Spaff, do you have an 'extended' version?
Jeff Reuben - August 31, 2004 - Report this comment
sotm--still excellent!
JANUARY 2004 SONG OF THE MONTH SILVER MEDAL - September 01, 2004 - Report this comment;topic=3009.0;id=1424;image
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - September 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Congrats, it's too bad you didn't end up a Goldmember!
Sweet Indigo - September 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Finally read this now... the innuendo is very clever - you're disturbingly good at this :) The Richard Stroker story kinda reminds me of a smug Christian Union guy at my university who wrote to a Uni magazine to "clarify the view of the CU" on Christian dating. He didn't seem to be big on the concept of independent thought... It made me less angry when I considered that the guy's name was Topless. - September 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanx, Looney 2nz (again) & Pippin & Jeffaroo (again) & Ralphing Brat (again) - and Johnny Dangle for the lovely medal.
Merry: I've had a number of "radio people" tell me that it's unlikely a parody over two minutes will receive airplay, so I'll occasionally bow to the broadcast gods and cut a verse, bridge, chorus, or combination of the above. (Of course, sometimes I'll just say screw 'em, and write a frickin' novel.)
Sweet Indigo: What a coincidence - I knew a girl named Christian who introduced me to topless dating.
John Jenkins - February 11, 2005 - Report this comment
"Now I'm out and proud," and well you should be. Very well done, Spaff. Except, who's Gephardt? - February 22, 2005 - Report this comment
If memory serves, Johnkins, it's this guy:­rs_gephardt.html
2nz - March 14, 2005 - Report this comment
... and the ending singers was a particularly nice touch. - March 30, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanx again, 2nz. I asked Andy Dick to take a line there, but he refused. What a...
ed - January 25, 2006 - Report this comment
it's very funny, but how can you judge it without listening to it? - July 15, 2006 - Report this comment
ed: Easy. Just pretend you're deaf. - December 12, 2006 - Report this comment
Gianpaolo: Quack quack.
Matt - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
I served a woman with the last name topless. couldnt stop laughing through the entire refund i was giving, though i was trying my hardest to hold it in - December 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Matt: What a coincidence - I was once served by a woman with that job description.
white trash - January 23, 2009 - Report this comment
nice very creative
Andria - January 23, 2009 - Report this comment
The taboo sexual meaning of the name "Dick", as well as association with Messrs. Nixon and Simmons, are what keep "Richard" from being a popular name in the US nowadays. Oh, by the way, my dad goes by Dick, and so does my mechanic. 5s.
UnKnownVotress - January 23, 2009 - Report this comment
Yes, I wonder what has happened to Mr Butkus & Lord Cavett ? ?
TJC - January 26, 2009 - Report this comment
Muy lexelente, mi General! - February 12, 2009 - Report this comment
Wow - no comments since 2006 and then four in three days? Thanks, white trash & Andria & Votress & TJC! Maybe I'll lean on Robert Lund to record this the next time there's a Dick in the headlines.
PJ - January 14, 2011 - Report this comment
Priceless. Love the word play too in this.. don't forget, Australian comedian Chris Franklin sang a parody of this exact song in 2000 - entitled 'Bloke'. I can see P!nk singing this one day maybe from an album called "FTW" :) 10/10. - March 28, 2011 - Report this comment
Thanx, PJ. I won't forget.

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