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Song Parodies -> "U Got A Cordless?"

Original Song Title:

"U Can't Touch This"

Original Performer:

MC Hammer

Parody Song Title:

"U Got A Cordless?"

Parody Written by:

Rich Kapalin

The Lyrics

My 1st parody, written about 2 months after the original song was released, then I heard parodies of it everywhere!
U got a cordless?
U got a cordless?
U got a cordless?
U got a cordless?

My, my, my, my cordless phone is high-tech
Who cares if my house is a wreck?
Thank you for blessin' me
With a cordless phone from GTE.
It feels good, "cuz you're not tied down,
You can stand, jump up, move around
You knowit didn't cost much
And it's got a cord that – you can't touch!

Hey, yo, homeboy! (U got a cordless?)
Yo, I got one, but do you? (U got a cordless?)
Look at my phone, man! (U got a cordless?)
Yo, check this out (U got a cordless?)

Regular phones are too old,
Get a cordless and you can be bold!
Just move outta your seat
And call long distance from across the street.
While you're cookin', call again
If it works good, recommend it to a friend,
You can do itjust like that
New technology is where it's at,
So come on, don't sit at home,
Be the first on your block with a cordless phone!

Yo, man, whassup?! (U got a cordless?)
Why you standing there, man? (Go get a cordless!)
Yo, gimme a call when you get one! (U got a cordless?)

Give me a cordless, cords are useless,
If I didn't think so, why would I do this
Song?See, now you know,
If you get a cordless, then you can show
Your friendsor a neighbor,
Talk on the phone while you read the newspaper,
It's easyto use.
You won't hear a song about the cordless blues
On the radioand it's fine
To talk and use the bathroom at the same time!

That's wordhey, yo! (U got a cordless?)
WHAT? You ain't got one yet?! (Go get a cordless!)

Hang it up!


Stopdial tone!

Take care of your phone, it is said
If you don't hear a thing, then the battery's dead
But don't let your phone go to waste,
Pick it right up, put it back on the base
Let it chargefor an hour
After that then you'll have enough power
Tocall my home,
Just leave a message right after the tone (tone, tone, tone)

Yeah! (U got a cordless?)
Hey, man(U got a cordless?)
You better get one, "cuz you know you want to(U got a cordless?)
Phone is ringin', I've gotta go

Pick it up!


Stopanswer the phone!

Every time you see mea cordless in my hand.
I'm spreadin' my good fortune so you can understand
That you can buy one, too, it'll never be too late
And once you do, you'll understand why I think they're so great.
I'll phone everybodyand yes, I'll tell them all
Just dial "1' before every number, except for a local call!

U got a cordless?
U got a cordless?
U got a cordless?
Ha ha ha(U got a cordless?)
I asked you(U got a cordless?)
Yo, yo! (U got a cordless?)
Yeah, we outta here(U got a cordless?)

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 46

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   1
 3   4
 4   6
 5   35

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Billy Boyd - June 11, 2005 - Report this comment
I've never cared for the origibal song, but you wrote this extremely well. All 5's.
David Pratter - June 11, 2005 - Report this comment
I'm 24 now, and six years ago, when I was 18 and moved into my own apartment and got my own phone line for the first time, I bought a cordless after residing in it for a couple months! I have owned about three or four different cordless phones and I must say they are great! Ever since I was about 7 years old, we had them in my home when I lived with my parents. Several months ago, I went in debt to the phone company and lost my land line, and now I have a cell phone which is even cooler, because not only is it battery powered and used without a wire, it can be taken away from your home and used anywhere! Cordless phones can only be used about 300 feet from the base within your household premises. Overall, this is a good parody, I do like the humor, I used to like the original song when it was popular in 1990. Weird Al even did a parody on Off the Deep End called "I Can't Watch This!" about television programs. Check out some of my parodies on this site, and if you're a mature adult, I have four dirty parodies on now.
Rich Kapalin (parody writer) - June 13, 2005 - Report this comment
I just turned 38 this year (2005) and was listening to some old stuff I had recorded over the years. I let some friends listen to the "U Got A Cordless" parody and they all liked it - they couldn't believe it was me! When visiting this site for the first time in quite awhile, I was surprised to find that I hadn't submitted it before since it's the one I worked on the longest to ensure that the timing on the lyrics compared to the original was similar. Glad to see it got some positive feedback, I wasn't sure if other people would like it. I'll try in the future to record my version as an mp3 and will continue writing more parodies soon. By the way, the part starting with "Hang it up" and ending with "Pick it up" was not part of the original lyrics. I had such a hard time coming up with something to fit there that I left that verse out and just wrote it about a month ago. Hope you all enjoy the rest and the best of the parodies on this site!
impressed - June 27, 2005 - Report this comment
you did a good job although your timing was kinda off. i like u can't touch this the best though. its a classic
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - July 03, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) You sure have got many votes already for so few comments, but hey, there's nothing wrong with sending the link to your family and coworkers (as long as you direct them over to my stuff too). ;-)

Any chance you'll get around to do that recording and put it up before the month is over? Reading this on top of listening to the original reveals some pacing issues here and there, but I'd be willing to overlook that if it works as karaoke from the author, so to say.
Dumb Ass Kid - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment
[SOTM] Agreed with Impressed's above comment. Well written but the pacing, I found, was a bit shaky 455
Leo Jay - July 07, 2005 - Report this comment
[SOTM] Very funny! I can sooooo imagine Hammer doing this back in the day -- it's no more ridiculous than his usual stuff.
Red Ant - July 08, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Very funny, especially "call long distance from across the street". Outstanding job for your 1st parody Rich.
Arwen - July 08, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM--funny stuff, Rich...=) I'm especially impressed that it has endured the test of time...I don't have any idea where the parodies that I wrote in the 80s/90s are!
Mike (Mike Armstrong) - July 09, 2005 - Report this comment
Rap ones are always tough to do, definitely respectable for a first parody!
Charlie Decker - July 09, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Some parts are very funny, but the pacing isn't great. Though I do agree that it's wonderful that it's stood the test of time. Good job overall!
Dee Range - July 10, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM....very good
Agrimorfee - July 11, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Fascinating little relic...I betcha you were the first parody author EVER to take on the topic. Shaky pacing stuff in my eyes and inner drum machine, too.
Rich Kapalin - July 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks to everybody that has commented so far. Currently working on the mp3 for this song, should be done shortly so you all can hear it.
Dr. Bob - July 12, 2005 - Report this comment
wow. mc hammer lives again! i cant wait to see him in this video. good job.
Jeff Reuben - July 13, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Well done. I could fit the extra syllable in the chorus pretty easily when singing it, or just dropping the 'A' to make it 'U Got Cordless' . Either way, it worked for me. Funny song...good call!
Kristof Robertson - July 22, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Pretty good for a first parody, Rich! Pacing's a bit off in places, but a fine effort nonetheless. 455
Rick C - July 24, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Good turn on the OS! Keep 'em coming...555
Stuart McArthur - July 26, 2005 - Report this comment
(sotm) - great - really sends the OS up - July 26, 2005 - Report this comment
I read the Sunday comics this weekend for the first time in, like, forever (who needs newspapers when you're online 24/7?); Dennis the Menace was impressed with a new feature on the neighbors' phone - it had a spiral cord connecting it to the base so it would never get lost.

Anyhoo. Nice time capsule, Rich. Fave line: "And it's got a cord that - you can't touch!"
Johnny D - July 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Tim Mayfield - July 28, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Phone-omenal job. Great stuff! 5's
Ethan Mawyer - July 29, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) the pacing issues have already been mentioned, and this probably would've seemed a lot better at the timee it was written because of the newness (is that a word?) of the original song and of cell phones. But still a good job with this
Phil Alexander - July 29, 2005 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but this read through extremely well. Not exactly hilarious, but witty and very well-written.
2nz - July 30, 2005 - Report this comment
Great stuff Rich, especially considering it's a first work. And such a fun OS to start working with, I guess that's why parodies of it were and still are popular. I was particularly impress by the whole stanza that started with "Give me a cordless, cords are useless" and goes to "To talk and use the bathroom at the same time!"

Great work, man.
Mikey Squirrel - July 31, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM.. Sounds like a perfect song for any cell phone company. MC Hammer needs a comeback- he can actually do the commercial! Well done! 555
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - August 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Great job, hilarious stuff. 455

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