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Song Parodies -> "I Can't Lift This"

Original Song Title:

"U Can't Touch This"

Original Performer:

M C Hammer

Parody Song Title:

"I Can't Lift This"

Parody Written by:

Steven Cavanagh

The Lyrics

The Empire Strikes Back: Luke's scene on Dagobah.Play the original song or watch the movie scene if you have them, to get some of the subtleties.
(I can't lift this)
(I can't lift this)
(I can't lift this)

My, My, My, (I can't lift this), X-Wing fell in, the mud
makes me say "holy crud!"
where could, this Yoda be?
made me fly down here and crash through a tree
and land, in a stinking swamp.
Why's a Jedi master live in this dump?
and I sunk - my ship,
and that kinda thing, uh
I can't lift.

I told you, Artoo
(I can't lift this)
It's like a dream and you know
(I can't lift this)
there's mud in your eye, man!
(I can't lift this)
Yo, ready for some power?
(I can't lift this)

Hopin' this Yoda, is near
Dammit, Artoo, what are we doing here?
I saw, the ghost of Ben
The old guy gave me orders again
and I followed, right on
Learn to be a Jedi and you never go wrong
Like Dad, huh, like Dad
Now I'm beginning to believe I've been had
And I'm stuck here, you get the gist
Cause that kinda thing, uh, I can't lift.

Yo, I told you
(I can't lift this)
Where's the great warrior, man?
(I can't lift this)
Somethin' familiar about this...
(I can't lift this)

Open a box, of food
Next thing y'know some little green dude
is watchin' -oh man!
"What are you doin' here? Help you I can!"
Insulting, no doubt.
Laughing at me cause I can't get my ship out
Pushin' my patience way too far
Takes all my stuff and I have to say Ar-too
Let him, have it
aint got a ship, so I might as well quit.

That's just because I know
(I can't lift this)
(I can't lift this)

Put it down!
(don't do that....)
(hey, you could have broken.. Oh)
(Artoo whistling dance solo)
STOP- that's my dinner!

Bad as your Dad, he says
That you just met the master
and you flunked the test
He waves, his hands in the air
Things flying round, and there ain't no strings there
Asked if I trained, would I get right through it?
I said "Yo", he said "fine, let's do it"
we leave, Obi-Wan
get piggy-back and head out for a run
Run, Run, Run, Run,
phew!, (I can't lift this)

Get off my back, man!
(I can't lift this)
Han.. Leia?
(I can't lift this)

Put it down!
(whistling artoo dance sequence)
STOP- Break time!

(I can't lift this)
Moving stones is one thing, but this..
(I can't lift this)
(I can't lift this)
Put it down!
(Oh, we'll never get it out now)
STOP- Break time!

Now when we'd finished training,
My little muppet guy
said "do, or do not,
'cause there is no try"
Now how could I ever
Lift up a ship?
I don't know what he's smokin',
But it's one bad trip.
I had to lift it out!
I tried to no avail!
Then I gave up and quit it, so he sighed and just did it,
said "that is why you fail"
(I can't lift this)

(I can't lift this)
(I can't lift this)
(I can't lift this)
(I can't lift this)
I don't believe it! (I can't lift this)

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 28

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   3
 3   1
 4   3
 5   21

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Rice Cube - April 17, 2003 - Report this comment
Wooooooooah...your incorporation of Yoda's "do, or do not" mantra is masterful. Bonus points!
Michael Pacholek - April 17, 2003 - Report this comment
Laughter? Hmpf! Entertainment? Hmpf! A Jedi craves not these things. But we do! Succeed big-time, you did! Or, as Dear Old Dad would say, "Obi-Wan has taught you well, young Cavanagh!"
dave - April 26, 2003 - Report this comment
can you say terrible??
Royce Miller - April 28, 2003 - Report this comment
Dave--Can you say "jerk"?
Jeff Reuben - May 07, 2003 - Report this comment
This is excellent!
FuzzyWhisper - June 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Fantastic. 5/5
Tim Hall - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
2 legit to quit!
The But-Meister - June 09, 2005 - Report this comment
EXCELLENT DUDE!!! Well done. funny as, too. 5/5 from me.
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - June 10, 2005 - Report this comment
Well, paint me green and call me a swamp thing for being late on the Dagobah bandwagon; still enjoy this will I.
Tim Mayfield - June 10, 2005 - Report this comment
This was posted before I started reading Amiright stuff. Thanks to K1's comment I got to see it. This is awesome! I know people who would love a recording of this one.

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