"I woke up this evening with a bad feeling,
And my fetus was missing again.
This happens all the time.
It's detachable.
(background vocals of "detachable fetus" begin)
This comes in handy a lot of the time.
I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna cause me back troubles,
or I can get it out, when I don't need it.
But now and then I go to a party, get slammed,
and the next evening I can't for the life of me
remember what I did with it.
First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it.
So I called up the place where the party was,
they hadn't seen it either.
I asked them to check in my sleeping bag
'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes
But not this time.
So I told them if it pops up to let me know.
I called several friends who were at the party,
but they were no help either.
I was starting to get desperate.
I really don't like being without my fetus for too long.
It makes me feel like less of a mom,
and I really hate having to explain every time I need a break.
After a few hours of cleaning the house,
and calling everyone I could think of,
I was starting to get very depressed,
so I went to the Q-Mart, and ate some food.
Then, as I strolled down Seventh Avenue into St. John's Place,
where all those people sell used books and other crap on the street,
I saw my fetus lying on a blanket
next to a broken toaster oven.
Some guy was selling it,
But I had other plans.
He wanted thirty-two bucks, I screamed at him, grabbed it, and ran away.
I took it home, cleaned it off,
and put it back in. I was a mom again. Complete.
People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached,
or just give birth.
Even though sometimes it's a pain in the a$$,
I like having a detachable fetus"

( repeat detachable fetus for outro )