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Song Parodies -> "Drivaphone"

Original Song Title:

"Dicktaphone"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Kevin Bloody Wilson

Parody Song Title:

"Drivaphone"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

From the heart...

...and aiming for my own Rory award
I was cycling home from work, just the other day
An asshole ran me off the road and knocked me out his way
As I approached to remonstrate, in a fairly angry tone
He just held his hand up, saying "Mate, I'm on the phone"

I wondered should I wait for him to finish off his call
But I reckoned that he didn't know why I was there at all
A small crowd it had gathered, and did they give out a cheer
When I yelled "TAKE THAT ****ING PHONE OUT YOUR ****ING EAR"

{Chorus:}
Take that ****ing phone out your ****ing ear
What's so ****ing urgent that you have to hear it here?
I don't wanna be scraped off the tarmac - is that clear
So take that ****ing phone out your ****ing ear

The bloke winds up the window, and the pedal hits the floor
And I get on me bicycle, and pedal home some more
When another car comes flying like a bat straight out of hell
Oh, shit I don't believe it- on the ****ing phone as well!

Well, I think it's ****ing stupid to go driving round the town
Looking at a mobile phone, and never looking round
I observed her observation, and she saw sweet FA
So I thought I'd go up to her, and this is what I'd say:

I'd say
{Chorus}

One more common habit that has got me so perplexed
These guys who think it's safe to drive while they're composing texts
At least, I say they think it's safe, they got a ****ing gall
From where I'm ****ing standing, they don't ****ing think at all

Video on mobile phones is kinda scary, too
You're gonna want to see the person lookin' back at you
And all those drivers with such little commonsense bestowed
Will watch their ****ing mobiles and forget to watch the road

I'd also like to offer some sarcastic ****ing thanks
To the ****ing Range Rover brigade in their big ****ing tanks
A ****ing ****er driving a big ****-off four-by-four
You're ****ed, the ****ing ****er's ****ing ****ing you some more

Can't get no sense into them, the whole damn ****ing crew
I wish I had their numbers, then I know what I would do
Call 'em on their mobiles, that they've got glued to their ear
Maybe then there's some small chance those ****ing twats will hear

They'll hear:
CHORUS

And when you mix in mobiles with the tanks they drive around
They don't even notice when they ****ing run you down
They think they're so ****ing safe, don't know their own mistake
'Cause they don't ****ing realize the carnage in their wake

You'd think now it's illegal, that we'd not see it again
But there's lots of ****ing ****wits think it don't apply to them
Next time some ****ing phone user comes driving round your way
Then break his ****ing window in, and this is what to say:

Just say
{CHORUS X 2}

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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John Barry - May 27, 2005 - Report this comment
Good job of addressing this plague.
Rick C - May 27, 2005 - Report this comment
I'm with you on this one, Philbo...5s
Phil Alexander - May 27, 2005 - Report this comment
I've been singing (I say "singing"... more kind of yelling) this one out loud in the car while I've been writing it - it's very cathartic.
Crowley - February 19, 2007 - Report this comment
****ing brilliant Phil

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