I used to listen almost every day to a lovable Aussie called Kev
And quite often I'd laugh till I fell to me knees
And I'd damn near be pissing me self
And when I've been drinking, I pick up the CD
And start to play "Kev's Courting Song"
And if no-one's listening
I pick up the mike
And have me a real sing-along

Though it's true that subtlely isn't his forte
In fact, he's quite frequently crude
The songs that he sings, rooting, farting and things
That are often unspeakably rude
Unashamed, unrepentant, he's often so dirty
And that's why I listen alone
Cause I can't let the children put on the video
Oh... not Dicktaphone

Chorus:
It's Kev Bloody Wilson I'm seeing tonight
It's Kev Bloody Wilson we love
That lovable larrikin's lyrics just hit me
As if one great turd from above
Now it feels like an angel's just tickled me lugholes
And fall over laughing? I might...
So stack up the fridge, and stoke up the bong
And we'll stay at home here tonight

The chappies who moved in next door to Alan
Were living way out of their class
Bondie should have replied, Hey mate have you tried
Kev Wilson's Amazing Grass?
Although I've been told that his dicks on the dole
And he'll give up w***ing, someday
And you ask me if I know Manuel el Bandito
I sang it here, just yesterday!

Chorus:
It's Kev Bloody Wilson that I'll see tonight
It's Kev Bloody Wilson we like
When Christmas is coming, I often say to him:
"Now, Santa, just where *is* me bike?"
Now it feels like an angel's just tickled me lugholes
And fall over laughing - I will
Don't shout or complain if you think he's insane
For the hecklers can all go to hell

Wow, did he get whacked? I guess that he had
One or two too many beers
But he'll sing that song of what's ten inches long
And how he can breathe through his ears
Cause he's back from outback and he's back in the hall
And I'm pleased to say, back on my CD
And God, there's nobody else on earth I'd rather have here
Than Kev Wilson singing to me

Chorus:
It's Kev Bloody Wilson that I'll see tonight
It's Kev Bloody Wilson we want
He's a man who's made money by being real funny
Not just some Australian c..hap
Now it feels like an angel's just tickled me lugholes
And so what if Kevin's got faults?
He'll not be seen dead with an old mega fugley
Dancing the last lager waltz

Repeat chorus to fade