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Song Parodies -> "Take Me To ER"

Original Song Title:

"I've Been Everywhere"

Original Performer:

Johnny Cash

Parody Song Title:

"Take Me To ER"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

Everybody feels a little poorly from time to time....
I was sitting out back havin' a long, trusty, Wacky-baccy smoke
When the phone rang: I answered, and heard a sickly, phlegmy croak
"It's your brother in Carson City, Stan, and I feel pretty dire
So could you climb in your car? Come round or I might just expire"
I asked him why he couldn't phone up for an ambulance
But he said "They sure won't come coz I've maxed out my in-su-rance"

Take me to ER, man
Take me to ER, man
Drive me in your car, man
Coz I can't walk too far, man
I'm bringin' up green catarrh, man
Take me to ER

Coz I've got:
Smallpox
Chickenpox
Black spots
Blurred vision
Gonorrhoea
Blocked ear
Diarrhoea
Bitchin' itchin'
Chesty wheeze
Herpes
STDs
Emphysema
Back pain
Muscle strain
Swollen brain
Broken femur
Fibroids
Haemorrhoids
Asteroids
I'm asthmatic
Heart erratic:
Beats sporadic
Symptomatic
Not ecstatic!

Take me to ER, man
Take me to ER, man
It's not very far, man
And I feel really blah, man
I'm needin' an enema, man
Take me to ER

Coz I've got:
Scabies
Rabies
Maybe
An eye infection
Dizziness
Baldness
Work stress
Weak erection
Vertigo
Polio
Pigeon-toe
And dysphasia
Gout (twice!)
Ain't nice
Head lice
Brought from Asia
Bed sores
Menopause
Clap from whores
Spinal breaks
Bum-quakes
Awful shakes
Random aches
For Pete's sake!!

Take me to ER, Stan
Right down to ER, Stan
I'll show you my scars, man
And what fell out my arse, man
My liver is in a JAR, Stan!
Take me to ER

Coz I've got:
Night sweats
Tourette's
Cigarette
Smoke addiction
Eczema
Hernia
Mania
Scrotal friction
Sunburn
Heartburn
Funny turns
Ant bites
Feelin' sick
Nervous tic
Cheesy dick
Stalactites
Toxic shock
Writer's block
Diabetes
Spirochete-ys
Stinky faeces
Leprous feeties
De-monic D.T.s

Take me to ER, man
Take me to ER, man
Put down that gan-jah, man
My thoughts are quite bizarre, man
Requiring CPR, man
Take me to ER!

Coz I've got:
Bird flu
Purple poo
Scurvy, too
Halitosis
Hangnails
Lizard scales
Entrails
Mass psychosis
Lime disease
Knobby knees
Penis-freeze
Dengue fever
Coma
Lymphoma
Glaucoma
Skull's been cleaver-ed
Brewer's droop
Baby croup
Chronic stoop
Laryngitis
Colitis
Hepatitis
Gingivitis
Amirightis!!

Take me to ER, man
Take me to ER, man
I'm quite below par, man
I'm coughin' up black tar, man
It not hypochondri-ah, man
TAKE ME TO ER!!


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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 5   13
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

AFW - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
Hallelujah, Man...you've written the perfect parody! No more calls..you are the winner...Sky Rocket Hilarity..here!
alvin rhodes - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
a masterpiece...malady meets melody
Kristof Robertson - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks a bunch, Al and AFW!
Matthias - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
HOW IS HE NOT DEAD?!?!?!??!?!?!? Suffering from Amirightis, the poor man...
PMS - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
Take three fives and call me in the morning!
Rex - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
You should do something about that Amirightis. Write two parodies and call me in the morning. That will be $8658758765.03, please pay the nurse on your way out.
Jack Wilson - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
Yes i agree about the AmIRightis, LVOE IT 5s
Cat - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
Brilliant!!! Had me howling. "Purple poo" was my favorite. But considering some of the ailments, is this person a hermaphrodite or what? And some of the rhymes, I noticed, only work when sung in a British accent. But that's not an issue, this was flat-out excellent!
Susanna Viljanen - January 06, 2007 - Report this comment
Seemingly you have all my favourite ills. My diagnosis is amirigtitis parodica.
Fitu Petaia - January 06, 2007 - Report this comment
yes, very good
Red Ant - January 08, 2007 - Report this comment
Superb work, Kristof! A little Robitussin will cure all that. ;) (as well as some 5s to make you feel better)
2nz - January 21, 2007 - Report this comment
Hey, hey, slow down there, tiger. I called 'blurred vision' and 'back pain' already. You can't have them. And I would have 'hepatitis/gingivitis' but you kicked it up a notch with 'amirightis' so I'll let them slide. Very well done, man. NOW WILL YOU BASTARDS STOP STEALING MY THUNDER? Or is it just a really interesting coincidence that me, Jack and you posted our takes of this song within, like, a week of each other? ;c)
Glen S - January 21, 2007 - Report this comment
Also, nice one including 'menopause' and 'writers block'. I KNEW I forgot some good ones. Excellent rhyme-age.
Spaff.com - January 21, 2007 - Report this comment
So I've now read through (nearly) all of this site's parodies of this song, and I've learned that (1) this OS and lists of physical ailments are a match made in heaven (or hell); and (2) the best items in the lists are the completely out-of-left-field ones. Congrats, Kristof, for demonstrating both points with inclusions like scrotal friction, stalactites, penis-freeze, and Amirightis. Grrreat stuff.
Phil Alexander - February 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Ah, so you've got amirightis, too.. seems very contagious around here. How did I miss this when it came out?

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