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Song Parodies -> "Side Effects Include"

Original Song Title:

"I've Been Everywhere"

Original Performer:

Johnny Cash

Parody Song Title:

"Side Effects Include"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

I'm telling you now, it's gonna be obnoxious. And I took some liberties with the original pacing. I think that might be my new thing. Anyhow, enjoy the many downsides to the latest prescription drugs... bitches.
I was dragging my feet because I couldn't get my daily sleep
And I heard the people where I work were calling me a lazy creep
So I tried whatever-pedic but it really wasn't there for me
And I broke right out in hives the day I tried aroma therapy
So I went to the pharmacy to get a sleeping aid
And now I tell ya, CHECK the side effects that are displayed

Side effects include, man
Side effects include, man
I hate to be so rude, man
(But) if I take these I'm screwed, man
The phrase that changed my mood, man:
'Side effects include'

(May include: )
Long naps
Face slaps
Wet laps
Anal leakage
Heart attack
Dart attack
Fart attack
Oral reek-age
Pain, manic
Vane panic
Rain n' traffic
Lack of lovin'
Locust swarms
Lightning storms
Doctor forms
By the dozen
Sore jaws
Store gauze
Bulging veins
Back pains
Neck pains
Leg pains
It's insane

Side effects include, man
Side effects include, man
I don't mean to be rude, man
(But) the good things are subdued, man
I got so mad I pooed, man:
'Side effects include'

(You may experience: )
Numb toes
Runny nose
Boring shows
Blurred vision
Gum disease
Love of trees
Big decisions
Fat knees
Killer bees
Conjoined twins
Loss of limbs
Fear of gyms
Fear of Jims
Outlook grim

Side effects include, man
Side effects include, man
Test cases cursed and booed, man
(When) They double-blindly viewed, man
These horrors will intrude, man:
'Side effects include'

(Less than 101% of the test cases experienced: )
Flute lessons
Bad karma
Body shakes
Robert Blake
Greg n' Dharma
Chapped lips
Spicy chips
Kung fu grips
Botched zips
Record skips
Chilly nips
Short vacations
Mood dips
Freud-y slips
Sinking ships
Common ills
Time rips
Wider hips
Long trips
Down hills

Now I feel abused, man
Now I feel abused, man
And doctors look confused, man
They think I all-night boozed, man
My coverage was refused, man:
Now I feel abused

(Consult your doctor if you experience: )
Ear hums
Sore bums
Feeling dumb
Mud butt
Hate crimes
Lost minds
Bad rhymes
Going nuts
Jack Bauer
Sore, sour
Lost power
Old age
Blind rage
Lower wages
Evil mages
Dented fend-a
It'll get ya

(So) I made a decree, man
(That) I will sleep drug-free, man
No side-effects for me, man
Sleep everywhere I see, man
Sleep even up a tree, man
Now I sleep drug-free

Copyright 2006+ Glen Stollberger... bitches

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   15

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Johnny D - December 31, 2006 - Report this comment
Hilarious! Reminds me of Saturday Night Live's "Nozilla Commercial".
Jack Wilson - December 31, 2006 - Report this comment
This is awesome 555
Glen S - January 01, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks JD and JW. Not much action before the new year. GUess I'll have to plug it in the tournament.
Red Ant - January 01, 2007 - Report this comment
Wow, that's quite a few side effects there, Glen. Impressive work, and what's more impressive is that this is all original content. Regarding the pacing decision, this is one of the few songs where I happen to agree that exact syllable count per line is wholly useless since there's probably only 5 people on the planet who can remember all 92 city names in order. I'm not one of those five, but take 5s and call me in the morning. "Conjoined twins"; LOL!
Tommy Turtle - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
Obviously you've read the "physician's insert" that the drug-maker provides for docs but isn't given to patients...."Freudy slips" was a fave. Take three 5mg tabs...
Adagio - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
I thought of one time writing one about side effects but it wasn't half as funny as this, which reads like some of those pamplets, he he. Really good one. 5's
Agrimorfee - January 10, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Do not take this drug if you don't want to laugh. Well done!
wannabemustangjockey - January 11, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - Oh no! Anything but dented fenders! Dunno what you've been taking, but at least death wasn't one of your side effects. :)
Peter Andersson - January 15, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - This parody comes with a personal side effect for me, mixed feelings. I have (as of today had) a somewhat similar idea in my sketch folder and now I have to scratch it, or twist it worse than Madonna twists the balls on her husband, so as not to look a copy cat if I ever take it down. Not that it would be this good anyway... :-)
Chris Bodily TM - January 15, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) The side effects of this parody include: Excessive laughter, clever lyrics, great title subs, TMGLTM, hilarious rhymes, Leanne Rhymes, Busta Rhymes, Hammer Time, and of course, excessive 555 votes!
Max Power - January 19, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - Great
Below Average Dave - January 19, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Very Creative, Very Original. . .the list is currently 8 songs which I will weigh against each other, including this one, of my favorites. . .two to go that I will read tomorrow than I will play elimination with myself on the ones I've marked to go back to. - January 21, 2007 - Report this comment
Love of trees! Heh heh. Fantabulous, Glen. This has been up for the better part of a month - and is currently in the SOTM contest - and still has only 8 votes?! (Well, 9 now.) Everyone must be on medication. TMGLTM, and I should know; I've read 'em all twice now. Uh-oh - now my fear of Jims is TWICE as bad.
bobpiecheese - January 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) A fear of Jims? How does that work?! It's like, "Hi! My name's Glen! What's yours?" "Jim." "Jim?! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!" Absolutely brilliant parody, 2nz!
Matthias - January 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Sickeningly Well Done
Red Ant - January 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above. This is still one of my favorites so far this month. Now I see what you meant by me knowing more "-ips" rhymes: perhaps it was subconciously unintentional that I left "coincidence" out of my rhyme scheme. =)
Cat - January 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I thought this one would pale ever since Kristof wrote "Take Me To ER," but was I ever wrong. TMGLTM but "Less than 101% of the test cases experienced" really put it over the top for me.
Kristof Robertson - January 29, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Gaaakkk!! This is my first read of this masterpiece, and yes; the similarities to "Take Me To ER" are undeniable. But, as you got there first, Glen, I bow to your skill. Fab, fab, fab! 555
Michael McVey - January 29, 2007 - Report this comment
Guess that's why they say always read the fine print.---MM
Stuart McArthur - January 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) LMAO! Fantastic, Glen - rollickingly funny, and some great gags out of left field - eg. Less than 101% of the test cases experienced, and the Greg and Dharma ref, just to name a few - and SO easy to read - which is the benefit of writing for the reader instead of the pacing police - 555
Tim Mayfield - January 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Outstanding in many ways. Guess I should read more labels though.
Johnny D - January 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above!
Phil Alexander - January 31, 2007 - Report this comment
Thought I'd commented on this one first time around - definitely voted, though... But I'll bet that if the research had been done by GSK, their sales reps would be saying "perfectly safe" ;-)
Jack Wilson - January 31, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) TMGLTM once again awesome.
wannabemustangjockey - February 01, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - see above

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