Hand of lard is moving and the finger grabs some chips
You scarf them down so quickly, your stomach wall then rips
Your tongue was bitten, OW! You gobble down some Lays
The candy in the kitchen jar is calling you its way

You watch your weight increasing every single night
Eating on the couch, right by the TV light
Say goodbye to small size pants, and say goodbye to life
Hello to obesity, and divorce from your wife

Your weight will gain; your weight will gain
Your weight will gain; your weight will gain

The candyman wants his money, for your king-size snack
He can give your more and more, you keep going back
Nothing you can gobble down will ever taste the same
Every pizza is a new carb, gains you body weight again

You watch your weight increasing every single night
Eating on the couch, right by the TV light
Twinkies and some Snack cakes going down and causing pain
The shadow of the Snickers man is bloating up again

Your weight will gain; your weight will gain
Your weight will gain; your weight will gain
Your weight will gain; your weight will gain
Your weight will gain; your weight will gain

Whoah, oh, oh,
Whoah, oh, oh,
Whoah, oh, oh...
Whoah, oh, oh...
Whoa, oh, oh, oh... BELCH!