Blame it all on Fruit Loops
My sweet sugar tooth
Plus my wife, the dog and the cat
Consumption's a pro
Digestion's too slow
These are the reasons that I got so fat
Blame that cracker jack prize
All those diet book lies
Just being a TV sports fan
My lean years are few
Oh yeah, but that's hardly news
Allergic to Post Raisin Bran

Now I've got pounds in low places
And my beer gut's found
It's an oasis
When in the pool
Then that pool is full
I can't ride the elevator
I keep my face in the 'frigerator
Yeah, I've got pounds in low places

Well I messed up this thong
When I tried it on
I need a size ninety-four
Everything's too tight
And doesn't fit right
When I try them on at the store
I'm running a theme
Of splitting the seam
Just called me a loser again
I can't zip the fly
And been tryin' an hour
Can't hold my breath in

'Cause I've got pounds in low places
And the store clerk frowns
I'm sure he wishes I'd go away
Thought I saw him pray
No one's weight is any greater
Oh, once I fell down and left a crater
Yeah, I've got pounds in low places

Yes, I've got pounds in low places
Won't you be a dear
And throw these shredded ol' jeans away
Don't fit anyway
I will be back sometime later
But don't you call me a blimp or freighter
'Cause I've got pounds in low places