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Song Parodies -> "I Got Crabs from Darth Vader"

Original Song Title:

"Friends in Low Places"

Original Performer:

Garth Brooks

Parody Song Title:

"I Got Crabs from Darth Vader"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good Robert Lund recording, kid.
Blame it all on Artoo
Said the girl from Naboo
'Cause I followed him into that bar
A couple of drinks
And soon Jar Jar Binks
Was the best thing 'bout Star Wars so far

I had blue milk and Jack
With this guy dressed in black
He was strong, dark, and seven-foot-three
But when - I went home with
The Lord of the Sith
That's not all that went home with meeeee!

'Cause I got crabs from Darth Vader
When he took me back - to his star freighter
And used the Force
On me, of course
Buuuut NOW I itch like a Tusken Raider
Shoulda NEV-er played - with his LIGHT SABER!
Oh, I got crabs
From Darth Vader!

[Cantina band solo]

She said - I got a butt
Like Jabba the Hutt
But Darth said he'd love to clone me
He's not bad at nookie -
He roared like a Wookiee
Through episodes one, two, and three-ee

But at double-sunrise
He grabbed his disguise
And dumped me in Tatooine's sand
Hope the freak went to bake
In that big lava lake
That's my last one-Jedi-Knight staaand!

'Cause I got crabs from Darth Vader
When I got too close - to that dic-tator
He said - I'll get you
And Lei-ya too
Aaaaah LOVE that sound - from his res-pirator
But NOW I need - an exTERMINATOR!
'Cause I got crabs
From Darth Vader!

[All the freaks in Mos Eisley sing along:]

I got crabs from Darth Vader
When he took me back - to his star freighter
And used the Force
On me, of course
But NOW I itch like a Tusken Raider
Shoulda NEV-er played - with his LIGHT SABER!
Oh, I got crabs
From Darth Vader!

I got crabs from Darth Vader
You don't see that part - in the thee-ayter
They spin it clean
But I won't trust - no Caped Crusader
Gonna TRADE Artoo - for a VI-BRATOR!
'Cause I got crabs
From Darth Vader!

[Or explode in a spectacular ball of light]

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 94

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   5
 2   1
 3   8
 4   10
 5   70

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Arwen - May 24, 2005 - Report this comment
I notice as I am the 3rd person to visit...that I wasn't the only speechless one...=) But you all know me too well to think that I'd let a little thing like a lack of cleverness keep me from leaving a pointless and lame comment...hehehe. ; )

Great job, here...far too many great lines to pick just one...but in a non lyrical sense, "[All the freaks in Mos Eisley sing along:]" made me LOL!!
Tim Mayfield - May 24, 2005 - Report this comment
Must say that listening to the recording is much better than reading the text. Although a few puns would be lost if you only listen. Wonder which one is the dark side... 5's
alvin rhodes - May 24, 2005 - Report this comment
my favorite of the day...this is GREAT
Claude Prez - May 24, 2005 - Report this comment
Say, you're pretty good.
Jeff Reuben - May 24, 2005 - Report this comment
Of the great Spaff collection, this is one of my favorites, if not THE best!
Jeff Reuben - May 24, 2005 - Report this comment
You're not missing an extra chorus at the end, are you? =)
Your Worst Nightmare - May 24, 2005 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but I had to turn it off after Lund sang one too many innuendos. ;-)
Matthias: Sponcering these votes - May 24, 2005 - Report this comment
Yoda: Mmm...Strong with the force you are. Great parody master you will become. Jar Jar Binks: Me sa glad sa that you sa said that I sa am sa the best thing about Star Wars sa. CHEWBACCA: Roar!!! Ben Kenobi: The force will be with you.......... uhm......... always?
Royce Miller - May 24, 2005 - Report this comment
Super. The recording is a good likeness of Garth Brooks' voice.
Melhi - May 24, 2005 - Report this comment
The force is strong in you, young Spaffwalker!
Michael Pacholek - May 24, 2005 - Report this comment
The Spaff wire strikes back. With a vengeance!
Steven Cavanagh - May 24, 2005 - Report this comment
Twisted and evil :-)
Jeff Hingle - May 24, 2005 - Report this comment
Impressive, Spaff. Most impressive. All 5s.
Jack Wilson - May 24, 2005 - Report this comment
( Randy Jackson impression) Yo dawg I thouhgt that was da bomb! Not pacy at all, just great! 555's from me! ( Puala imprssion ) Oh Spaff, that was great whenever you post a parody it melts my heart *claps* ( Simon impression) I thought it was great not bad Ryan Seacrest : And the parody idol 2005 is...SPAFF. COM!!!!
Rick C - May 24, 2005 - Report this comment
Superb! 555
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - May 24, 2005 - Report this comment
I had this nugget of a parody specially-delivered to my Inbox yesterday, which was like viewing a premiere before the rest of you pitiful mortals. Still hilarious, Spaff!
Stuart McArthur - May 24, 2005 - Report this comment
"Gonna TRADE Artoo - for a VI-BRATOR!" and "one-Jedi-Knight-stand" were 2 faves - and I know very little about Star Wars - but it's always nice to see The Return Of The Spaff - 555
Dee Range - May 24, 2005 - Report this comment
555....but you need to leave our planet right now and return to wherever you are from. I did this song last year (Hair In Low Places) and thought it was decent....even had a line about cream that chases those crabs away.....but after seeing what the Master did with this song, mine looks lame. I think I hear your mom callin' from a galaxy far, far away. If you leave now, you might make it home in time for about 30 million light years, which is about how long it will take us humans to write like this Get packin', if you know what's good for ya mister :-)
Migrating Coconuts - May 25, 2005 - Report this comment
Nicley Done !!
Adam Eccleshall - May 25, 2005 - Report this comment
Excellent :-) - May 26, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanx, Jeff H & Rick C & Adam E & Two Halves of Coconuts!

Sister Evenstar: I live for your pointless and lame comments.

Tim It'syourmonthfield: "Matter of fact, it's all dark."

scholar rhodes: I'm humbled to receive the "Favorite of Alvin Rhodes Today" award. It's an impressive honor with an impressive acronym.

C4P: Thanx for posting that Dr Demento request link. Everyone is free to use it. Hint hint.

Jeffaroo: It's no "Anal Vice," but thanks. And I added that final chorus just for you.

YWN: Not to mention the single entendres.

Matthias: Wow - thanks. But no comment from that hot female Jedi with the jester-hat head?

Royce-a-Ryni: You mean DARTH Brooks.

Melhigh: I'll moisture-farm with you any time.

Michaelopedia: Here's one for you: Ever notice that Lucas stole most of his Star Wars episode titles from Pink Panther movies?

Stevenagh: Hoping I would get a visit from the parody Jedi Master, I was. Honored I am.

Local Celeb: Heh heh. You realize that the only reason Paula said that is because I'm sleeping with her. Randy and Simon too.

Ralphing Luke: I wasn't going to tell you this, but everyone else got it a week ago.

s2art: Thanx for muddling through this unfamiliar territory. If you haven't seen the first one (which is now the fourth one), you really should. That's ultimately what the fuss is all about.

Dee Crabbed: Flattery will get you everywhere. I'm gonna get packin' to check out yours...
Agrimorfee - May 26, 2005 - Report this comment
Should he be called Darth Venereal instead?
Michael Pacholek - May 26, 2005 - Report this comment
Spaff, I just realized: They're not crabs, they're midi-chlorians! The Force is with you! As for the Pink Panther reference, let me take a shot in the dark and say, at least we appear to have been spared "Episode VII: Trail of the Banthas" and "Episode VIII: Curse of the Gungans" (Jar Jar's peeps).
Peter Andersson - May 27, 2005 - Report this comment
The sith don't do one knight stands, they're always two in a long time relationship. Oh, and I so stole the last pun in the following (from last year) parody from one of yours. ;-) - May 27, 2005 - Report this comment
Aggro: What you would catch from him, then, would be a Darth Venereal Disease, so beware of Star Wars fans who say they've got the DVD.

Michaelopedia: That makes Steve Martin "A New Hope." And I don't understand the whole midi-chlorians thing, other than, yes, they're like crabs, and the more you have, the more likely you are to go to a sci-fi movie dressed as one of the characters.

Peter: Now I get it - it's one of those "let's play master and servant" things. I'll get to your Judas Priest parody shortly...
Claude Prez - May 27, 2005 - Report this comment
Just reviewing the comments and was alarmed to find no one had done a "Revenge of the Syph" pun. So that's fixed now. Oh, and also: - May 28, 2005 - Report this comment
C4P: Revenge of the Syph! Bwahahaha! Oh, and thanx for posting that Dr Demento request link. Everyone is free to use it. Hint hint.

In related news:
Note that that occurred the same week "Revenge of the Sith" hit the top of the Aussie box office. Coincidence?
Chris Bodily TM - May 31, 2005 - Report this comment
Garth got crabs from Darth? How is that possible?...... I wonder if Anni forgot to tell Luke something in "The Empire Strikes Back": DARTH: Luke, I am your father. And this man has something imprtant to tell you. GARTH: Howdy, y'all. I'm country music star Garth Brooks.. and Luke, I think I might also be your father.... 5-5-5! This is priceless! I requested too!
Jeff Reuben - June 08, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM: Still excellent!
Dumb Ass Kid - June 08, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM: Already voted and commented
Agrimorfee - June 09, 2005 - Report this comment
(sotm) see above
Tim Mayfield - June 09, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Commented above, just came by to read the new comments... Could name the Bigfoot movies similarly... Big Foot, The Sasquatch Hikes Back, Return of the Yeti, Phantom Witness, A Track of the Clones, Revenge of the Myth
Rick C - June 09, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM05) Voted and commented above but, the second time around, it was even more superberer!
Red Ant - June 09, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I must have had a brain fart to not comment on this before Spaff. Although I must be one of 3 people in the world to not see the new Star Wars, this is still funny ( wish I could access the MP3 ). Even with my lack of SW knowledge, still too many funny lines to point out. Nice take on a country song I actually know and like, hehe.
Charlie Decker - June 09, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) God, I hate Garth Brooks...this's inspired. It's great, actually, despite the horrid OS. 5s as always. - June 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanx, Jeffaroo & Aggro & Ricksy & Sgt Decker!

CBTM: Now I'll never shake the mental image of Garth Brooks walking into the middle of that scene. Hilarious. And thanks for harassing Dr. D. for me.

DAK: Any idea what your previous comment said?

Tim Maysquash: Heh heh. And don't forget Bigfoot and Chewbacca's hot love scene in "When Hairy Met Smelly."

Ant in Chains: I hate to give too much away, but Anakin becomes Darth Vader. Honestly. And Padme becomes Liza Minnelli.
Red Ant - June 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Well, I knew about Anakin. Forgot my vote: 5's of course. PS- Check this out to see what happens when you get ideas watching Star Wars ( yep, shameless plug coming ):

The updated story link is in the comments.
Jack Wilsom - June 13, 2005 - Report this comment
I requested this songo n that request page I hope you and Robetr become the parody writing Lennon/McCartney, Tuapin/John
Adagio - June 14, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM05) Too many funny lines to pick out just one...the whole thing is LOLOL 5's
Scathe - June 15, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) The test results are in. You are completely insane. :-)
John Jenkins - June 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Excellent lyrics and MP3 with very clever sound effects. A lot of very clever lines, particularly the "one-Jedi knight stand" and "dic-tator" lines.
Mikey Squirrel - June 27, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Absolutely brilliant. Star Wars parodies are always my favourites. But I have to admit, this was well written and (oh please let me be unoriginal here) the force is definetly with you (augh I said it). The recording is hilarious as well. Great work, Spaff. May the tri-fives be with you (aah stop me).
Johnny D - June 28, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Behold, ye parody readers ... this be why we calleth him The Mighty Spaff ... You don't agree? (sound of heavy mechanical breathing)...I find your lack of faith...(sound of heavy mechanical breathing)...distuuuurrrbing...
Arwen - June 28, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM--just as good as ever, Spaff...but I'll add "Buuuut NOW I itch like a Tusken Raider" to the "freaks in Mos Eisley" line as those that make me giggle the hardest...=)
Stuart McArthur - June 29, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) - see above - I managed to hear the Robert Lund recording this time, Spaff, (and filled out the "do over" form - surely Dr D'd be pleased to know he has listeners in Oz) which helped immensely, as I didn't know the OS, but the gags I liked originally are still the ones I liked best - oh and "That's not all that went home with meeeee!"
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - June 30, 2005 - Report this comment
I'm still haunted by the thought of Vader's respiration... and this is still inspirational!
2nz - July 01, 2005 - Report this comment
You write so well it makes me sick. And I take so long to comment it makes me sick. I'm a sick, sick man and so are you. It's good to have a sick, sick home to come home to. - July 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanx, Patagio & Ralphing Luke!

Ant in Chains: Check your comments.

Local Celebrity: Or maybe Shirley Partridge/Reuben Kinkade.

Scathe: See if I ever take another urinalysis.

Johnkins: I sent RL a pile of sound effects; he had to figure out what to do with them. I'm glad you like the result.

Squirrely: Thanks for using that quote and not something like "Now that I've quickly given my babies names that conveniently match those of characters in the first movie, I mean the FOURTH episode, I've lost the will to live. Please proceed, Dr. Kevorkian."

Johnny BD: What I find distuuuurbing is your ability to post so many great comments.

Sister Evenstar: I originally had that as "I kick ass like the Arwenator" but had to change it so you and Ash wouldn't sue me.

Looney 2nz: And welcome to it, sicko.

s2art mcRthR & everyone else who requested this on Dr. Demento: Thanx a bazillion. Your efforts were not in vain. Check out this playlist:
Kristof Robertson - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Dang it, late again! You KNOW how good this is, Spafford...;-) 555
Tarquin - July 26, 2005 - Report this comment
Well done for winning the contest!!!!!!!!!!!!
MAY 2005 SONG OF THE MONTH GOLD MEDAL - August 13, 2005 - Report this comment;topic=3009.0;id=7399;image
Coryo Ellis - August 20, 2005 - Report this comment
Used the force you did. Great song you wrote. Say it better I could not. An easy way to get to me is to write a Star Wars song. - September 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Coryo: May the forks be with you. (Sorry - that's all I got.)
Dat Pillis - November 01, 2005 - Report this comment
That was sooo great! That was like Weird Al great. It was one of the best I have ever heard. 5-5-5 - November 05, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanx, Dat. It was actually a bit tricky luring Lord Vader into the studio. We had to pretend this was about seafood.
Agrimorfee - March 08, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTY 05) And here's another one from King Spaff...good enough for a few Dr. Demento Funny Five appearances as vocalized by Robert Lund. Much congrats again!
Red Ant - March 10, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTY 2005) See above, but this time I was able to d/l Robert Lund's recording. Truly funny, though I really wanted to hear the last chorus (buy the CD, right? ;-)). - July 15, 2006 - Report this comment
Kristof & Tarquin: Just realized I missed comments from you from A YEAR AGO. Oops. I suck. Thank you.

Johnny D: Belated thanks for the medal. I wear it nonstop.

Aggro & Red: At least my thanks to you two are only four months late. (Okay, four months and a week.) Hopefully there will be another Robert Lund CD by the end of the year, and yes, I will pressure you mercilessly to buy it.
Shannon - September 21, 2006 - Report this comment
TOOO FUNNY! Laughed my butt off. - September 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Shannon: Ah, yes. I see it there on the floor. I'll give it back when I'm through with it.
Anti M - October 10, 2006 - Report this comment
We love it. You'd be proud of our group karaoke rendition! - October 16, 2006 - Report this comment
Anti M: I'd love to hear you (and Dorothy and Toto and the gang) sing this. Please keep me posted on your upcoming performances.
Jack Wilson - November 29, 2006 - Report this comment
LOL I still remember when Revenge of the Sith came out, on Late Night With Conan O'Brien, he did a bit with rejected Star Wars characters, one of them was Darth Brooks, did THAT inspire this? - December 12, 2006 - Report this comment
Local Celeb: No, I never saw that, but heh heh.
Jaclk Wilson - December 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Ah,ok then,it was great LOL
gemflower456 - July 05, 2007 - Report this comment
I did not use my real name. I liked this song. when i showed it to my friend [who has every country song ever made on his I-pod] he started to SING IT TO THE TUNE. I may be in middle school, but this darth vader song is funny. I just watched star wars, 1-5 and I still sit and think, ' what on earth would Darth Vader do if he read this?' Don't stop making these parodies. just don't show them to Darth Vader.
anonny mouse - August 16, 2007 - Report this comment
if his arms and legs got burned off, wouldn't his... nevermind... i am way too grossed out to ask. :( - August 18, 2007 - Report this comment
gemflower456: Thanks. I won't stop writing parodies, and I won't show them to Darth Vader. Or your parents. anonny mouse: That's why he covers his ENTIRE body. And psychologists agree that the light saber is his way of compensating.
Ashley Black - May 31, 2008 - Report this comment
Truly inspired humor! I shared this with my co-workers and they flipped. I know several of them have it on their MySpace pages now and are looking for a CD.... - June 02, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, Ashley. I'm hoping for a "Best of Robert Lund" CD sometime in the next year or so. Meanwhile, this song is on Dr. Demento's Basement Tapes #14, but I'm not sure where to tell you to find that. (eBay? Coruscant?)
Jack Wilson - December 21, 2014 - Report this comment
Is this in Epsiode 7? It should play over the opening crawl

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