I'm here on the deck...it's been thirteen hours
And all my skin is red from the sun's bake
But though I'm brave, I just can't find the power
To swallow my pride and go splash in the tide of that lake!

Did I see a shark? And oh look, there's Nessie!
And speedboats don't look like they'd easily brake...
(If one of them hit me, that would get messy!)
Why must you quip that I do need a dip in the lake?

It is plain to see the depth of the water is two miles down
It seems like you'd laugh if you would watch me drown!
And look at that algae! I'll get covered in decay...
I'll wade to the shallows, but I'll no further go
Yet I still won't swim, I will only tiptoe!
If I'm underwater, I surely will be fish prey....fish preeeeeey!

When I was a child, I took swimming courses
But they still traumatize me, and I quake
The "dead man's float" instilled my fear's main sources
(I thought it WAS a corpse!)
You can't coerce me to go self-immerse in the lake!

Why go jump into the water when it's rather nice on land?
I've got hydrophobia, so please understand
If you took me in there, it really won't make my day
There is a good reason why humans don't have gills!
And since we do not, I won't go take my fill
Of that dirty water, or I will soon inhale clay....some claaaaaay!

I might even lose my swimsuit, or worse, get a bite from fish!
Yeah, it's leisure to you, but it's not my wish
To wear tacky goggles; be threatened by a stingray!
I'm sick of your travels, so yeah, it's my turn now
To go plan our next year's vacation somehow
The Sahara Desert seems like a good place to stay....to staaaaa-aaaaa-aaaay!