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Song Parodies -> "Parole Model"

Original Song Title:

"Role Model"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Parole Model"

Parody Written by:

Jeff Garcia

The Lyrics

This is basically the "theme song" for NFL quarterback Jeff Garcia. It was the first song I wrote for him, and ended up being one of the big hits on "The Jeff Garcia LP," a rap album made in early 2004...March/April.
I'm cancerous, so when I pass it's often disasterous
If you try to catch with your hands you won't live after it
I'll throw the ball five feet over your head
And throw that f'in pass again "til I know that you're dead
You scream at me I'ma even the score equally
Ignore when you're open, and dump it off easily
I get so much help it's overblown
Cuz when I check down, I throw the ball worse than Steve Bono (oh no!)
So if I ever say that I never get buzzed
That'd mean I lie and I suck more than Canadian Steve does
A Niners fan tried to slap me and call me a faggot
I told him, "cut it out, thilly, you'll get your ass kicked."
I adlib, I'll never set my feet in the pocket
I stare down receivers and my eyes just lock in
I don't care if I don't have success
Follow me and do exactly what this song says
Drink wine, drink beer, drink liquor, tequila, just drink
And jump behind the wheel like it was still legal
I'm dumb enough to drive where I can't see where I'm goin'
So I'm dumb enough to talk critically of Terrell Owens
Some people only look at my numbers and think it's skill
Cuz they stand out like a green hat with an orange bill
But that ain't what it is
Ya'll don't even see through the mist
Of course I went to three Pro Bowls, I was voted in by Ray Felix
I get a clean shave, bathe, go to a hockey game
Leave almost comatose and get pulled over on the freeway
I throw balls into the ground, after bouncing around
And this is who you think can lead the team on a rebound?

Now follow me and do exactly what you see
Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me?!
I drink to .23 with girls 20 and 18
Now don't you wanna grow up to be just like me?!

Me and Bryant Young went over to see T-Don
When he asked us to restructure, we said "certainly not"
He showed us both the door, said we both oughta rot
Just for that I'm gonna go out and do a few shots!
My passes won't work if I don't jump first
I ran into the defensive lineman and now my ass hurts
I'm not a player just a bullshit sayer
That'll imply the man that made him is a big team slayer
My passing style's warped, I'm jumpin' out the morgue
With a dead duck, of coursethrow it really poor
Jumped in Ryan Leaf's game against the Kansas City Chiefs
And made the quarterback stats look even more weak
I'm "bout as great as Tony Banks when he goes in the tanx
An immature idiot who tries to act like a saint
"York? Are You there? You the manI didn't mean to diss you for not having a plan.."
Will someone please explain to my receiver
That he's leavin' and I'm gonna still be here?
I take a deep breather and sigh
Either I'm high or I'm nuts
Cuz if you ain't tellin' the media, neither am I
So when you see Terrell Owens in a Buccaneer uniform
Then it's probably obvious that I screwed it for him
Cuz when I drop this starting shit, it's over wit
I'll walk away with $20 million plus and sober quick

I left the hockey game drunk at .23
Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me?!
I've was with the same woman for five years count-ing
Now don't you wanna grow up to be just like me?!
I'm a closet homosexual afraid of coming clean
Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me?!
I blame my wide receivers when my passes land at their feet
You probably wanna grow up to be just like me!!
There were actually slight modificactions in the song you read. I actually re-recorded it in April but originally recorded a mediocre version in either February or March. The second recording was FAR superior to the first, with the actual instrumental used, and I changed a couple of things lyrically--most notably the "lie and I suck" referred to "Ray Felix" originally, and "I was voted in by Ray Felix" was originally "it's political bullshit." Also, in the ending chorus, it was originally "I left the Sharks game drunk..." A couple of other slight changes in terms of "my" or" the"in like one or two places, but those are the big ones.

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Pacing: 3.0
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 2

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 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   1

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