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Song Parodies -> "Ron Artest"

Original Song Title:

"Be Our Guest"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Ron Artest"

Parody Written by:

Rick Duncan

The Lyrics

Mari told me she had this title in her head with this song, after we watched sports news lately. So I wrote it for her. I used to like Basketball.
Ron Artest, Ron Artest
Someone beer-ified your chest
Give him more than a hand check, bully
And you'll start a slam-fest

Hoops at war
Join the fray
It's a most childish display
Doesn't matter your intention
It will end in a suspension

They can cheer, they can boo
Once they get a piece of you
There's no winner once you've punched them in the chest
And the suits there'll be a score of
But we prob'ly won't see more of
Ron Artest, Ron Artest, Ron Artest

Chairs are thrown, a melee
What a sport to see today
Referee, security
All that is missing is good play

You're a fan, and you paid
Just to see a gross charade
On the heads popcorn is raining
It's perversely entertaining

What is next?
We throw bricks?
Let those Pacers take some licks
We are justified because
We are upset

Come on and kick some ass
It's like getting a free pass
From Ron Artest
He was stressed
He can say it was duress
Ron Artest, Ron Artest, Ron Artest

Basketball is meant for
Feisty guards and bulky centers
Millionaires who always swear they are so cool
Ah, those good old days with sportsmanship
Suddenly the Prima Donnas rule
Now it's all so tragic
How we miss Larry and Magic
Showing class and style
A greater use of skill
These days they just make some bad rap albums
Crabby, phat and lazy
One hard foul and oops, gone crazy

Ron Artest, Ron Artest
Now you're in an awful mess
Players out, there's no doubt
That your team has lost it's quest

Just desserts, no boo-hoo
When the press is through with you
While your team gets beat from trouncing
At a disco, you'll be bouncing

You played "Tag"
Now you're it
Saw your agent, he just quit
For your name, all the teams lost interest
And now you're really screwed
Get a new attitude
For you Artest
Ron Artest, Ron Artest, Ron Artest

Ron Artest, Ron Artest
Once you played the game with zest
It's a year of suspension that you must clear
And now invest

What a deal---time to burn
Thanks to Mr. David Stern
Don't expect a welcome pretty
From the folks in Motor City

Class by class
It's not free
All that anger therapy
Then maybe you'll finally see you were a pest
Someday you might meet up
With the folks you beat up
Ron Artest, Ron Artest, Ron Artest
No, it's no jest

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 31

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   30

User Comments

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Stuart McArthur - November 24, 2004 - Report this comment
We even got that story over here in Australia on our 6pm bulletins - that was amazing - great work Rick - 555
Phil Alexander - November 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Wow... that was damn good, even for your typically high standards, Rick
John Jenkins - November 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent parody, Rick. Yes, we do miss Magic and Larry, although it is ironic that Larry Bird is currently the president of basketball operations for Artest's team and I haven't heard his reaction to this incident.
Adagio - November 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Good one, Rick!
Johnny D - November 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Great parody, Rick. But according to the Uniform Code of Professional Sports Injustice, Mr. Artest cannot be prosecuted or convicted or jailed for any crime, since he is simply worth too much.
Syncronos - November 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Abso-friggin-lutely the BEST 'Be Our Guest' parody I've seen!
John Barry - November 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Good job, Rick.
Jeff Reuben - November 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Good job. Love college hoops, can't stand the NBA (even before this incident).
MasonR - November 24, 2004 - Report this comment
This one's a hit!
Scathe - November 24, 2004 - Report this comment
I think I'm getting hooked on "Be Our Guest" parodies. This one was magnifique. :-)
Melanie Lee - November 24, 2004 - Report this comment
This one is funnier than mine and the other one. This one made me laugh till I shed tears! Great job! 5-5-5. "Give a Shove and Shift Blame (The Ron Artest Story)" Parody by M. McCain "The Night Detroit Died" Parody by Melanie Lee
Claude Prez - November 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Me too
M. McCain - November 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Great job! Makes mine look amateurish. 555
Cookie-man - December 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Great work! 555
Know 1 can hear you dream - December 04, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Sorry, but I don't get it, apparently this/that sports story/news has not reached my part of the world. Short explanation anyone?
Adagio - December 09, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Rick, I really don't go for sports, but this was just too magnificent to pass up...and funny!!! 5's
Cookie-man - December 10, 2004 - Report this comment
I forgot to put this in my initial comment (SOTM) :)
Scathe - December 10, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Ah, the joy of athletes behaving like children, and the parodies that follow.
Arwen - December 10, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM--this is brilliant, Rick! Sorry I missed it the first time around!
Melhi - December 12, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Nicely done.
EmiLoca - December 17, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Slammin'! - December 19, 2004 - Report this comment
"Perversely entertaining." Great commentary; great rhyming. Love it, RAD.
Tim Mayfield - December 22, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Very well written.
Johnny D - December 29, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above
Stuart McArthur - December 29, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) already commented
Claude Prez - December 29, 2004 - Report this comment
I think they should encourage the players to attack any fan dumb enough to throw stuff at them. Actually, you'd think they'd employ goons in the crowd to take these clowns outside and work 'em over. I'd pay to see that. Anyway, still great stuff.
Peregrin - December 29, 2004 - Report this comment
I artest to the quality of the parody!
Meriadoc - December 29, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Not much into sport, but this seems well written.
Paul Robinson - December 31, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) You nailed this jump shot, Rick...5's...
Martha - January 04, 2005 - Report this comment
As a non NBA follower had to do a bit of googling to find out what this one was all about.... sounds like a a serious overreaction ... but he has suffered a heavy sanction.....pour encourager les autres?? now I can comment on the lyric...... very well written as the others said .... some very good lines ...I liked the "beerified your chest" phrase.... particularly........ also fair point about the rap album.!
Lee Yo - May 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Don't know how I missed this before, but slam dunk. "Crabby, phat and lazy." Hah!
Claude Prez - August 03, 2014 - Report this comment
Guestfest shall go on forever! With this gem, by Metta Rick Duncan

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