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Song Parodies -> "Block The Spammer"

Original Song Title:

"Cock The Hammer"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Cypress Hill

Parody Song Title:

"Block The Spammer"

Parody Written by:

Red Ant

The Lyrics

Sometimes I think I take *too* much pleasure in banning people whose sole existence is apparently to graffiti the entire Internet with useless ads. DKTOS? YouTube video here
I'm a forum mod, lookin' at my forum
See all the posts, most show class and decorum
But then a new topic's started:
"Buy Cheap Viagra!" - is this dude retarded?

So, now the ad has a home
I've seen it sown and know hit counts grow
"Prick in need?": I have a good bone
He jus'-effed-up, and is about to get shown
to the door, Owned! - with a little note from a 'friend'
Saying "Up Yours! With the drugs and IP you rode in!"

I just made 'em faceless and nameless
Same as the last one, when I shoved his ad up his anus
Hear me now? (can you hear me now?)
An overtime mission, quite a time to prowl

I'm coming up at ya
Bypassed the captcha?
Buried your post
Comment disposed

I blocked the spammer!
Blocked the spammer, was time for action
Blocked the spammer!
Blocked the spammer, that's my reaction

*grumbling from spammer*

"Get Free Sex!" ads, heck, that is a "hole" new realm
Don't click that, or you'll say "What's a GILF?"
All this porno crap appearin'
Stuff that I'm clearin'
Junk advertised: disappearin'

The man is grounded
One more account done:
Impounded
In the "lost, not found" bin!

As an admin
Captain Security
Whole lotta battin'
With a perfect av'rage!

Sellin'?
You're a small fish for my scalin'
If ya post sh*t it's your hide I'm nailin'
Your ads are stale and
You FAIL and
Oh, lookie here, look another fake email - HAD.

Yes, YOU need more sex and enlargement
I can't help in that department!

Want to 'be more'? - here's your recourse:
If you need to be a 'man' - buy a cheap wh***

Lyin' on a mattress, cryin' 'bout your flatness
And sad is the fact that you're spammin' more madness

Hmmm, what you posting now, punk? Gimme room...
...as I lower the boom

Block the spammers,
Wield my BanHammers™
Ever see a "thwock" so sick that blood spatters?

Blocked the spammer!
Stopped the spammer, was time for action
Knocked the spammer!
Mock the spammer, that's my reaction

Block the spammer....
copyright 2009 Jack "Red Ant" Fletcher. The BanHammer, available exclusively from Snapped-On tools. =)

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 LittleLots
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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 17

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   17
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Andria - December 04, 2009 - Report this comment
I love it. A great and humorous look at one of the most important duties of a moderator. 5s. BTW, where can I get a Ban-Hammer for my e-mail inbox?
Timmy1000 - December 04, 2009 - Report this comment
555 - I can't figure why anybody would ever open one of these, but somebody must or the spammers would just stop.
Matthias - December 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Chucky, I think there's been a problem becuase somebody posted under Red Ant's name. I mean the guy doesn't write anymore so it can't really be him. Can it? No... I think we have a spammer on our hands.
Red Ant - December 04, 2009 - Report this comment
lol, I wrote it Matt - no one else can use my name here, it's been pw protected for forever. Timmy and Andria, thanks - no idea on that - let me see if I have one on the truck.
Andria @ Red Ant - December 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Actually, someone COULD use your username to write a comment, that is, if they want to be faced with the prospect of a nearly instant ban. I don't use any name but my own, unless I want to get a point across as far as being funny goes or if I'm p*ssed at someone, then I use something random, but put my name in parentheses after it.
Mark Scotti - December 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Great job!
Matthias - December 04, 2009 - Report this comment
I figured it was you but I just felt like giving you crap because you should write more often, Seeing that this was your first parody ALL YEAR, lol
Jason - December 04, 2009 - Report this comment
I liked it!
Below Average Dave - December 04, 2009 - Report this comment
About time you came back. . .I can't believe this is your only parody for 2009 so far. Welcome back, hopefully you stay out of hibernation and become a regular again (look who's talking) anyhow, way to come back!!
CommentaTrix - December 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Sir L'ANT de Rouge, while this is rique it does ring cute, as well.
Fiddlegirl - December 04, 2009 - Report this comment
AmiRight's very own "Marshal Dillon", making the world safe for parodists-- one hammering at a time. :)

Oooh... sec code FG3. That's FG for me, 3 5s for thee!
AFW - December 04, 2009 - Report this comment
What we need...more parodies with a message...fine job, I especially, liked the mattress -flatness rhyme..
Sally Shine - December 04, 2009 - Report this comment
It is indeed appalling to see spammers littering the webs with useless, nonsensical ads for Viagra, fake Nike shoes and Rolex watches ( I mean, look at the way they advertise it!), and yet they earn money for every spam they make. Such greedy lowlifes indeed.
Peter Andersson - December 06, 2009 - Report this comment
He blocked the spammer
But he didn't block the comment'ry

Red Ant - December 07, 2009 - Report this comment
Thank yous to Mark, Matt, Jason, David, LCC, FG, AFW, Sally and Bob Marley, err, Peter. =)
John Jenkins - December 29, 2009 - Report this comment
Clever parody and very well rhymed, particularly the "scalin'/ nailin'/stale and/FAIL and" verse.
Red Ant - January 03, 2010 - Report this comment
Thank you, John.
tomario - January 08, 2010 - Report this comment
that is the worse song ive ever heard and i had to listen to it 5 times!!! out of respect for you Red Ant. great parody..."Prick in need?": now thats a charity single i want to hear! lmao! well paced and rhymed. top banana!
MysteryGoat - January 09, 2010 - Report this comment
SOTM: It hurt to listen to Cypress Hii but it was worth it for this parody. Awesome dude!
Mark Scotti - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
SOTM Liked it the first go round as well!!!
Abbott Skelding - January 17, 2010 - Report this comment
SOTM: Wow, this parody had a perfect title sub...lol, excellent job!
Max Power - January 18, 2010 - Report this comment
Enter banland!
bobpiecheese - January 29, 2010 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Wait this was your first parody all year? I guess the ABC rounds musta threw me off. Great parody here, trolls are always good for a few lulz. 555!
DJ Blaze - January 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Incredible work on a tough OS. 555
Jeff Reuben - January 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Very good job on a tough OS. I hope you didn't open too many of these spam emails or hit any of these websites since you did a great deal of research on the subject, LOL!
Below Average Dave - January 31, 2010 - Report this comment
Tough OS, good parody, this title would also go well to "I Shot the Sheriff". . . fun parody
Jack Wilson - January 31, 2010 - Report this comment
Love it, 5s

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