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Song Parodies -> "Retail Paradise"

Original Song Title:

"Gangsta's Paradise"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Coolio

Parody Song Title:

"Retail Paradise"

Parody Written by:

Andrew D. Lacroix

The Lyrics

Working in the real world. Insert your favorite retail store for the word "retail" in the chorus to your liking. Mike Tice is the former Minnesota Vikings head coach, but had a career record of 32-33, 1-1 in the playoffs. (Wikipedia)
As I work in the valley of the shadows of hell
Saw something in the corner that didn't look too well
I never realized who it had been
My ex-co worker who had just been fired then, fool
She said with a grin "I got fired, Drew."
Now I imagine what hell she had just been through
I don't feel well and I don't really mind
'Cause the lines have been long since 1969

We've been spending all our lives working in a retail paradise
All pain and sacrifice working in a retail paradise
Clean up spills of long grain rice working in a retail paradise
Hell'd be a bit more nice than working in a retail paradise

I walked up to the lines they were so long
People bit***ng and moaning like we did wrong
I would beg and plead for forgiveness per se
But that would look odd and rather gay, fool
I went to the manager's office and I took a seat
They say, "How about a promotion to playing with meat?"
I answered with a wide ass smile on my face
"Hell yeah!" Then disapearred without a trace

No discounts on food or single eateries
Pain in the asses most definitely
We've been spending all our lives working in a retail paradise
Stick your head in a vice working in a retail paradise
Can't get s**t for half price working in a retail paradise
But beware of head lice working in a retail paradise

Back in my area where I play with meat
This job pays more and it's pretty sweet
There's other places I could work but I will just stay here
Cause after I get off I drink a case of beer, fool
I can't believe it, why would my neighbor cough?
I told my manager I would need the night off
She said "There's stuff you just have to do!"
So I threw my badge down and said "Screw you!"

We've been spending all our lives working in a retail paradise
Worst coachings since Mike Tice working in a retail paradise
Parking lot fights are nice working in a retail paradise
Here's a piece of good advice, Never work in retail paradise!

(Song fades)
Original song written 4/16/2006, new version written 1/28/2008. Both versions written by Andrew D. Lacroix.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 5   3
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Michael Pacholek - January 29, 2008 - Report this comment
Been there, done that, now gladly working elsewhere. Five commissions.
LdayCupCakes - January 30, 2008 - Report this comment
And pray tell Sir , just why Wahl-Mart employees ressemble ex-Cons from San Quentin??

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