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Song Parodies -> "Catnip Paradise"

Original Song Title:

"Gansta's Paradise"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Coolio

Parody Song Title:

"Catnip Paradise"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

In no way based on fact. I have two adorable kitties, neither of which was cooked during the writing of this parody.
As I'm wokkin' the alleycat, "El Gato's a pest!"
I am thinking to myself and realize, he must be dressed.
The beast was nasty, caterwaulin' "songs," and
I did what PETA thinks that in their mind is wrong.

Later as I chopped that cat, thought, he deserved it
Because through the grass he slunk and then made a bird hit.
Vowed to get 'im and be choppin' and then be wokkin'.
His pelt's now a homburg--gotta get it blocked.

Can't wait to baste that kit; it may taste like cock--
Kind that crows or whose quills make epistle stroke, fooled
Ya! I got some peas and some hominy that's sweet, white
Beast had fleas that leap, bite;
Now he's slain, we won't eat light.

Spendin' eight of nine lives
Livin' in a catnip paradise.
With friends, was gettin' high,
Livin' in a catnip paradise.
Fleas were givin' me hives,
Itchin' in a nads-nipped paradise.
Spendin' in many "wives,"
Swivin'[1] in a cat-dip paradise.

There was some hesitation: I saw his face 'n'
I thought I might spare his life and not make him eats.
He chomped my fingers--gave 'em a good ream;
That's what got me yellin', "Wokkin' is your place!" I screamed.

Now eviscerated food is what we're gonna find:
It's a feline repast; delicacy: cat's eye.
Missed the box with catsh*t. . .stepped in it. . .anger!
Turds on my home's floor looked like what the Brits call bangers. Stool!

Festive lunch, this; let's eat heart'ly today--
I'm lickin' my chops for fine feline filet.
I've plenty meat now; with neighbors kittens, there's plenty mo'.
One day I'll be gorgin' the Best in Show.

Now pass me, please, some feline fricassee,
But before dessert, kippered kitty.

Spendin' eight of nine lives
Livin' in a catnip paradise.
On "gato ganja" high
Livin' in a catnip paradise.
Too stoned to chase some mice
Livin' in a catnip paradise.
Catnapis sativa vice,
Livin' in a catnip paradise.

Spendin' eight of nine lives
Livin' in a catnip paradise.
Gonna blend thyme and chives
In an au jus cat dip, party-size.
We'll rend with forks and knives;
Lick chops for a cap nip--paradise!
Win postprandial prize
In a crap game, but don't throw cat's eyes.

Powder him with flour, flour him till powdered;
Give me loin and giblets. . ."Chat"eaubriand,[2] chowder.
Got the oven runnin'; the wok I've forsook 'n'
What's goin' on in the kitchen is, I got a Tom cookin'.

Must baste or it'll burn, so I dampen him with Vichy[3]
And touch of apple brandy. . .garnish with lychee.
We'll fress this cat that's dressed sans coat.
The breast meat's plump; grab your fork and knife so in let's tuck. Drool!

One guest don't wanna slight
You when asked, "You'll have some cat?"
"A mite."
One kvetched, "This don't taste right!"
Licked his lips and then he spat a bite.
Tables turned, my delight,
So tonight I'll give that cat a bite.

Menu's disk space is light--
How much memory for cat? A byte.
If ingressed boy cats at night,
Guess you'd call his fancies "'cat'amite."[4]
When all cats vanish from sight
Then we'll have to give roast rat a bite.

It's so pleasin', eatin' speed I quicken;
Some guests chow down, though, and then sicken.
This fine feline is fab, finger-lickin'.
Nailed it in verse 3: takes like chicken.


[1]copulating
[2] play on Ch√Ęteaubriand, a thick steak from the tenderloin; "chat" is "cat" in French
[3] French mineral water
[4] The younger partner in a pederastic relationship between two males in the ancient world, especially ancient Rome. Derived from the Latin "catamitus," itself borrowed from the Etruscan "catmite," a corruption of the Greek "Ganymedes," the boy who was seduced by Zeus and became his beloved and cupbearer.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
 1
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 4   0
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 5   6
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - March 13, 2007 - Report this comment
I thought you said you could never attempt this OS, quote on quote... Great Job!!!
John Barry - March 13, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks, Matthias. Yeah, I changed my mind.
Jack Wilson - March 13, 2007 - Report this comment
LOVED IT! 5s
alvin rhodes - March 13, 2007 - Report this comment
handy hint for cat eaters...wait until their seventh life...much tastier
Michael Pacholek - March 13, 2007 - Report this comment
Disgusting... but a near-purrfect parody. (May Eartha Kitt forgive me.)
Yoidy - March 13, 2007 - Report this comment
I'm glad that no animals were harmed during the making of this parody. Frisky 5s!
Red Ant - March 14, 2007 - Report this comment
Well done, or rare? Is this your first rap parody, John?

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

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